


Someone Like Me

by fatedforce



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Inspired by Divergent, Magical Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:34:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatedforce/pseuds/fatedforce
Summary: Jeongyeon and Jihyo have been born and raised for a life in global espionage.Having entered the agency at 5 years old, they were the ultimate pair of childhood best friends. They were inseparable and ventured on their first mission together when they were 19Jihyo is 23 now and hasn't seen Jeongyeon since she was 20.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Minatozaki Sana, Park Jisoo | Jihyo/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 34
Kudos: 142





	1. Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> There's not many Jeonghyo fics out there so I thought i'd give it a go :) And we do love a good childhood friends to enemies to lovers trope so here we are.  
> Enjoy!

Jihyo doesn’t care to acknowledge the countless stares she receives as she tugs Nayeon out of the headquarters building. As the daughter of one of the factions’ countless executives, the constant presence of onlookers everywhere she goes is nothing new, but it doesn’t stop Nayeon from relishing in the few seconds of attention that chase them down the grand marble stairs. 

Trees and greenery line the road leading up to HQ yet neither of the girls take a second to notice the blearing blue skies that have definitely offered a change of scenery from the wet and dark 8 month long mission jihyo and nayeon have returned from. 

Their plane landed a little over 5 hours ago and after a debriefing that had nayeon rolling her eyes across the room at jihyo 99 percent of the time, all they could think about was sleep. 

As Jihyo finally directs her driver to take them home, Nayeon turns to her, grin plastered on her face. “So… Now that we’re home, guess who finally decided to text me?”. All contact from the outside world was prohibited while on missions.

Jihyo rolls her eyes. “To be honest I literally cannot keep up with who you’re dating at any given moment in time so I don’t even think I want to know” Jihyo responds. 

“Sana.” Nayeon looks as smug as ever. The two have been attached at the hip for years, the best of friends, and yet when their friendship became something more, they both distanced themselves from one another. So much so that Jihyo hadn’t seen Sana for weeks until she decided to wish her luck the day before her departure 4 months ago. 

Jihyo smiled warmly. She was happy for them. Now that Nayeon had earned herself a break until her next mission, she could finally make official whatever it was that had always been obvious between them. 

Although Sana was one of Jihyo’s oldest friends in the faction, her name would forever remind her of a certain person. Of course Jihyo met up with Sana often. They had known each other since they were 9 so there was no denying that Sana knew Jihyo through everything. Yet, Sana was Jeongyeon’s best friend. And everyone knew that Sana would do anything for Jeongyeon. So while she loved Sana dearly, the thought of Jeongyeon was constantly lodged in the back of her mind every time Sana talked about her day, which ultimately consisted of Jeongyeon somewhere along the line; or whenever Nayeon mentioned that Sana had places to tend to, removing Jeongyeon’s name from the phone call she just ended. 

It had been three years since she last saw her and yet she was constantly reminded of her. She truly felt like there was no escape from the constant anger and guilt that her name made her feel. 

“I’m surprised Sana didn’t text you the second the plane landed, not gonna lie” Jihyo turned to Nayeon. A blush bloomed on Nayeon’s face, earning a chuckle from the other girl. 

“Anyway, she’s gonna meet me at my place. Wanna come over for a bit?” Nayeon disregards Jihyo’s teasing. 

“It’s okay, I’ll let you two be. I’ll probably see Sana tomorrow when she eventually hounds me down to ask about whatever embarrassing undercover disguise the agency had you in. Plus I need the sleep.” 

“Ji, I will not fail to hound you down if you tell her about nearly dying my hair blonde. I will never hear the end of it.” 

“I can’t promise you that, you know what Sana’s like.”

“You have to promise me, you should’ve seen the way she never shut up about Jeongyeon dying her hair back to blonde.” Nayeon cackles before shutting her mouth, finally realising who’s name she let slip. 

“Sorry I-”

“It’s whatever Nayeon. Hey let me know when you’re home okay? And tell Sana I missed her for me would you?”

“She knows how much you missed her but of course. Call me tomorrow morning?” 

Jihyo nods, sending Nayeon a smile and squeezing her hand gently before opening the car door and stepping out, phone and diligence faction ID card in hand. 

“Love you Nay.” 

Nayeon sends her back a gentle smile and watches as Jihyo pushes the car door shut. 

The white Mercedes drives out of the tall gates lining the glass apartment complex. 

All Jihyo can think about as she watches Nayeon drive away is the fact that Jeongyeon is back to blonde now. She wonders if she’s spent too long looking for a girl with short black hair every day she spends at the agency training centre. She realises she should have been searching for a blonde jeongyeon in the crowd. She should’ve been looking for the blonde jeongyeon she knew all too long ago. The same blonde jeongyeon she knew before she dyed her hair black, and before the dreaded mission that ended any semblance of their friendship.

-

She knows her father is standing in the kitchen the moment she opens the door. She can see the bottle of whisky she usually keeps locked away in a cabinet in the living room, sitting on the kitchen counter.

“Hi darling” he smiles gently as Jihyo sighs and places her luggage inside the doorway. 

“Hey, it’s been a while huh.” 

“Sure has. I’m proud of you. It feels like only yesterday you were on your first ever mission.” 

Jihyo only hums in response, understanding exactly what he’s referring to.

“Anyway Jihyo, I need to talk to you about something.”

“I don’t mean to be rude but can you make this quick? I don’t need to remind you that I just got off a 12 hour flight. I also don’t want to know how you managed to just saunter into my apartment without me knowing.” 

Her father chuckles distastefully and sets his glass on the kitchen counter harshly. 

“I know you’ve just arrived back but I thought I should let you know that we’ve got another mission in the works for you. Now don’t get all annoyed…” He put his hands up in surrender. “It’s months away so don’t get all worked up, I just thought I should… give you a heads up. This is going to be one of our most important missions yet and it was only right of me to let you know since your training sessions will be a little more intense from now on.” 

Jihyo stares at him. Sure, she was used to the constant training and endless missions but all she wanted was a break. 

There’s another beat of silence before, “Anyway, I’ll let you sleep.” He leaves without another word and without tidying up the kitchen countertop. 

-

Jihyo was exhausted but she had been lying in bed, staring through the wall of glass windows across her bed and into the beaming lights of the city for hours.

The city was the centre of the faction’s workings. There were seven. Seven faction’s, consisting of the pride, envy, diligence, greed, lust, humility and wrath factions. Jihyo, along with her friends, were members of the diligence faction. One’s faction was decided by destiny at birth once the coinciding tattoo appears on the waist of the child. It was never a surprise. It was considered genetic. It was almost certain that a child would adopt the same faction as their parents. Of course there were exceptions, but no one speaks of the exceptions. They were merely outcasts, dangerous to the future of society. 

And yet, although the city projected the image of a harmonious society, these very factions were at war. Centuries of conflict simply could not be unwritten. The result was a world of espionage, conflict and disharmony. Each faction ultimately adopted their own means in which to survive. 

Jihyo entered the doors of the diligence agent administration when she was 5. Training for a life as an agent in global espionage, she first killed a man when she was 16 and ventured on her first mission when she was 19. She never led the life of a normal teenager that her sisters could and her father ultimately justified it by describing her as one of the faction’s most treasured agents. She was tired but this was her life now and she had grown to live with it. 

Sleep finally consumes her 4 hours after her head hits the pillow but it’s the first ounce of peaceful sleep she has gotten in four months. Knowing your life is constantly on the line does that to you. 

-

Jeongyeon doesn’t bother calling Sana to ask her if she's attending training. She knows Sana will ultimately call in sick with a recycled excuse in order to spend the rest of her day with Nayeon. 

Nayeon had screamed down the phone the previous night when Jeongyeon had called Sana, declaring how much she missed her while she was away. Jeongyeon tried not to make it seem like she was too pleased with Nayeon’s sudden declaration but the grin that made its way onto her face said otherwise. 

Pushing her blonde hair behind her ears, Jeongyeon changes into her administration authorised training uniform, picks up her phone, a banana and her ID card and walks out the door of her apartment. 

The drive to the training centre is a short one. Her hands grip the steering wheel, scars and bruises littering her skin. A yawn escapes her. She can’t help it anymore. Not when she hasn’t had a single peaceful night of sleep for over two years. Night terrors haunt her and while she used to have to force herself out of bed in order to endure hours of relentless training, the training centre now offers her a place of solace. She doesn’t mind dragging herself out of her apartment at 5am so much anymore. 

Parking up her car and taking out her ID card in order to tap in, she meets Chaeyoung at the centre’s entrance.  
“Hey, get any sleep?” Chaeyoung greets her. 

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes playfully, a teasing smirk pointed at her. “What do you think?”

She plays it off as nothing but Chaeyoung can see right through her. She never bothers to mention the way Jeongyeon’s smile has formed in nothing but a tired manner for over a year, or the ‘secret’ trips Jeongyeon takes in the middle of the night to the training centre when she can’t sleep. Or the fact that she’s not the Jeongyeon they all used to know. 

Jeongyeon persistently shrugs off any concerns her friends offer so she just doesn’t bother. 

“Momo said she’d meet us inside in around an hour or two. She mentioned something about actually using her free time to see Nayeon and Sana rather than training for once.” Chaeyoung humourly notes. 

“Ah yes the devil incarnate herself has arrived back” Jeongyeon laughs fondly at the mention of Nayeon. 

Chaeyoung laughs, bringing up the conversation they all had prior to Nayeon’s leaving, something about a returning party for all of Nayeon’s friends. Jeongyeon can only hope that this list of friends doesn’t include a certain person. 

The pair walk into the changing rooms, each placing their belongings into their given lockers and proceeding to make their way into gymnasium B. Their conversation shifts into a discussion about the mundane activities of the previous day and they continue exchanging comfortable remarks as they warm-up. 

Throughout their hours-long sparring exercises, Chaeyoung fails to mention the strike of pink hair she sees peaking through the window. And even when Momo turns up and watches as Chaeyoung meets Jihyo’s eyes, her name never slips either of their lips. 

They all used to be one little, close-knit group of friends. No one knows exactly what happened. Or maybe certain people know little aspects of the story and don’t dare to question further. 

Jeongyeon had vanished from all of their lives for a year. It was only after feverish questioning from Momo, Sana, Chaeyoung, Dahyun and Nayeon, that Jeongyeon revealed where she had disappeared to. 

The Dilligence faction administration had banished her to a year of intense ‘ loyalty re-programming training’. Jeongyeon had given the administration reason to believe that she was no longer trustworthy or loyal to the faction, and as one of their best agents in the field, was forced into a year of isolation and reformation at the hands of the factions most feared military and espionage leaders.

Jeongyeon never revealed the cause of the administration’s distrust in her. She had been born into a family of agents that had belonged to the diligence faction for centuries. The diligence tattoo on her waist that had emerged at birth proved so. 

And so news of her supposed disloyalty rendered her family and friends speechless. In fact, as one of the diligence factions most renowned agents, it was a scandal that failed to leave the news for months. 

Questions inevitably arose but when Jeongyeon could no longer hide the scars and bruises, evidence of months of intense punishment, the questions grew silent. They couldn’t force her to talk about her trauma if she vehemently refused to. 

So they supported her in other ways. Accompanying her to early training sessions which Jeongyeon from 3 years ago would have missed, sleeping through her alarm. Or dedicating a day or two in the week to having a collective sleepover at Jeongyeon’s apartment, watching cheap horror movies and lousy romantic comedies. Or complying with her refusal to talk about Jihyo. 

It became routine eventually. Soon, Jihyo’s name became taboo around Jeongyeon. And in order to keep some semblance of their group friendship together, they maintained this facade around Jihyo too. 

They missed how things used to be, but everything was different now and they all knew that they would find out the reason why eventually. They just had to take things slow. 

Momo sends Chaeyoung a knowing look and quickly turns to Jeongyeon with a giggle, her face moulding into a soft smile as she throws a pair of fists up at the other girl playfully. 

Jeongyeon cackles, tugging at Momo’s fists and throwing her to the ground in a heap. Momo lets her and scrambles to reach the other side of the sparring mat before Jeongyeon can launch an attack of tickles upon her. 

Momo is dragged back by her feet and begins to laugh maniacally as Jeongyeon jabs at her sides. Chaeyoung pulls out her phone to record the ridiculous situation, disregarding the stares they receive from the remaining training agents in the gymnasium. 

“Park Jihyo! You’re not due here for another week, please actually use your break this time! Do I really need to remind you that you literally just arrived back from a mission?” A voice booms across the room. The echo of the gymnasium makes the voice sound a lot louder than it is. The voice is unmistakable. It’s the centre’s head trainer. 

Jeongyeon’s head darts from Momo to the pair of swinging doors on the other side of the expansive room. Momo’s hands slip from her grasp and as she sits up, she notices Jihyo’s startled expression, staring at Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung stands next to them awkwardly, sending Jihyo a little wave and pointing a look of concern back to Momo who is watching Jeongyeon’s reaction intently. 

It’s the first time Jeongyeon has laid her eyes on Jihyo in three years and the change from Jihyo’s short brown cut to long pink hair almost shocks the life out of her. Her heart begins to race out of her chest and she can already feel herself losing control of her breathing. 

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity before the head trainer butts in. “Earth to Jihyo? Hello? You in there? Go home Jihyo. Get some rest, or at the very least do some light cardio but do not attempt to walk back in here with the intention of overworking yourself.” She smiles softly at her little prodigy, patting Jihyo’s shoulder and walking off in the direction of stairs that lead to the observation room above the gymnasium. 

She claps before exiting, “back to work!” And the trainee agents immediately fall back into routine. 

Jeongyeon remains still, unable to process what she has just witnessed. Jihyo fails to move and in an attempt to interrupt their intense eye contact, Momo shifts from underneath Jeongyeon, quickly moving to stand in front of her. 

Jeongyeon has been feeling better about everything lately. Momo can’t stand the thought of her friend falling back into a routine of despair that had clutched her life since her return from the loyalty reformation programme. 

Jeongyeon’s eyes flicker to meet Momo’s as she puts a hand out for her to take. Jeongyeon uses it to stand up and brushes herself off. 

“Hey, let’s get out of here. We’ve been here long enough today anyway and we don’t have class until 2 so it’s probably a good idea to go home for a bit and then get something to eat?” Chaeyoung suggests as she puts her phone away. She sends Momo a quick uneasy glance. 

“Yeah I’ll meet you guys in class okay?” Momo interrupts Jeongyeon’s silence.  
She clutches Jeongyeon’s hand and passes her the phone that had been lying lonely beside the gym mat moments earlier. A soft, concerned smile meets Jeongyeon’s gaze as she looks up at Momo. She returns the sentiment and nods her head at Chaeyoung, signalling their move to exit.

Jeongyeon pushes away any temptation to spare Jihyo one last glance, and confidently walks past a couple of trainees that look up at her, shocked at having realised that the Yoo Jeongyeon has just strode through the room. 

Jihyo can’t look away. Her hair is not only blonde now, but it’s longer, ending a little below her shoulders. She looks stunning even after hours of intense sparring. As she remembers Jeongyeon’s past adamance in keeping her hair short, Jihyo realises just how much Jeongyeon must have changed in the years they have spent apart. 

-

“What the fuck was that?” Momo questions harshly. She’s so close to Jihyo, all she can smell is Momo’s perfume. She realises this is probably because she’s trying to be quiet. It’s no secret that Jihyo and Jeongyeon don’t talk anymore, despite being the agency’s best agents. Countless stories and rumours have run through the faction about how they became ‘enemies’ and have most definitely been made worse by the fact that Jihyo and Jeongyeon haven’t been seen in the same room since they were 20. 

Jihyo is 23 now and cannot seem to pull herself together. Momo grips her arm to catch her attention. 

“Oh you have got some explaining to do!” Momo laughs humorlessly and it sends a chill up her spine. Momo is known for being nothing but hardworking and laidback, never one for confrontation. Jihyo has messed up whatever kind of sick routine of avoidance the pair have and it breaks the last bit of reluctance Momo has in asking questions. 

She drags Jihyo towards the changing rooms. She knows Jeongyeon would have dragged Chaeyoung out of the centre in a hurry and since most classes have begun by this hour, she trusts that the room will be empty. 

They speed walk down the corridor of the modern building, away from the glass windows that line the corridor and turn into the elevator. Momo’s finger slides past all 25 floor buttons as she proceeds to press level 3. 

They stand in silence. As the elevator doors open, Momo tugs on Jihyo’s hand again. She’s uncharacteristically quiet considering she’s usually the one leading everyone else.

Momo apologises as she bumps into a girl in their hurry through the changing room and finally sets Jihyo down on a metal bench that divides both sides of lockers.

Jihyo stares at her shoes and fiddles with her ID badge nervously as Momo crosses her arms. 

“Well… Welcome back Jihyo. A nice ‘hey, how have you been’ response to the text I sent you last night would have been sweet.” Momo sarcastically comments to lighten the mood. Jihyo chuckles lightly and finally looks up.

“Are you going to explain why you’re here when you’re supposed to be resting?” Momo queries. Her expression morphs from one of frustration into confusion. 

“I- uh. I just needed to have a quick chat with my trainer. My dad mentioned something last night about my training sessions becoming a little more intense since I have another upcoming mission or something.” 

Momo ignores that the fact that this is obviously a blatant excuse. “Another mission? Already? Are they trying to kill you through stress or something? This is unbelievable.”

“It’s fine really. I’m used to it.” 

“Yeah but they’ve never put you on so many missions in such quick succession before.” Momo becomes nervous for the girl. The more missions Jihyo goes on, the more often she risks her life. “Anyway what’s this about training?”

“Something about working longer hours. I just got curious because my schedule places the mission months away and such intense training doesn’t usually start this early.” Jihyo’s concern is valid but Momo knows it’s an excuse. Jihyo didn’t need to come in today to question it, nor at such an early hour. She could just ask when she officially starts training next week and plus, Jihyo didn’t even make an attempt to question her trainer when she did see her. Momo disregards her observations, not wanting to rattle Jihyo so early in the morning. 

“That’s funny actually, Jeongyeon had mentioned something similar about a mission and taking up longer training hours soon.” Momo remarks. 

Jihyo rolls her eyes. “Yeah I know what you really want to ask Momo but don’t stir shit ok? It’s too early for this.”

“That’s the first time you’ve actually acknowledged her name instead of just walking away or going silent when she’s brought up. Are we really not going to talk about how you literally just saw her for the first time in years out there? It’s okay to talk about it for once.”

“No, we’re not gonna talk about it-”. Jihyo’s blearing ringtone interrupts her sentence and Momo watches as Nayeon’s name lights up her phone screen, accompanied by a rabbit emoji.

Jihyo sighs and looks up at Momo with humour in her eyes. “Well you know she’s not gonna stop ringing you if you don’t pick up. I’m gonna go to the gym for a bit. Will you actually text me later please? Let me know you’re okay so I don’t have to raid your apartment with movies and ice cream in hand to make you feel better?” Momo pouts playfully. 

Jihyo smiles softly in return, squeezing her arm. “Yes mum, I will. See you.” 

Momo strides away, granting Jihyo one last glance before closing the doors behind her. 

Jihyo presses the green button on her phone and waits for Nayeon’s voice to pierce through the speakers. 

“Are you coming?!” 

“Yes good morning to you too Nayeon, how are you feeling today? I’m feeling great, thank you SO much for asking-”

“Just answer the question Park. And don’t bother saying no because I will drag you out of your apartment regardless.”

“Am I coming to what?” 

“To my ‘returning home party’. Well, I guess it’s our ‘returning home party’ but it’s at my place so… Anyway, are you coming? It’s tomorrow evening, I literally saved the details onto your phone myself so there’s no way you can forget. There are no excuses.”

“I suppose I don’t really have a choice do I?” 

“Correct! You do not have a choice! I’ve texted the rest of the girls the details so you can coordinate drinks and stuff thanks.” 

Jihyo laughs at Nayeon’s ridiculousness but she supposes she’s missed this. There weren't any opportunities for fun on their mission and she missed the rest of her friends dearly. 

“Alrighty Im. I’ll be there. I’ve gotta dash but I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Hanging up so soon? But I’ve missed you, what have you been up to this morning?”

“Very funny Nayeon. I don’t know how you can miss me after spending 24/7 with me for a total of four months.” 

“Just a few hours apart breaks my heart.” Nayeon’s dramatism brings a smile to Jihyo’s face. 

“Yeah if you say so.”

“Also, Momo texted me about your little run in with Jeongyeon at the gym so you have a lot of explaining to do.” Nayeon says it so quickly Jihyo would have missed it if she wasn’t listening properly. 

“Of course she texted you about it. She literally just left me, how did she even manage to let you know so quickly? Anyway, I’m gonna head home and catch up on some more sleep. I’ll talk to you later.” 

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t want to talk to anyone after what happened this morning. Don’t start isolating yourself Park.” Nayeon’s fake threatening voice makes Jihyo chuckle and Nayeon sighs in relief. “Ok, I’ll let you go. Do not forget the party tomorrow though okay?”

“Bye Nay.” 

Jihyo hangs up and makes her way towards the elevator, pressing the button to take her to the ground floor. She nods at the receptionist and countless guards dispersed throughout the entrance and swiftly gets into her car. She directs her driver to take her home. 

She rubs her head, ebbing the pain away from behind her eyes. She has no idea what she was thinking walking into the training centre like that when she knows Jeongyeon trains at this time. She has stopped attending training at specific times just to avoid her and now she has walked right into trouble. 

“We’re here.” Her driver interrupts her thoughts, turning around to her and offering her a small smile. 

She nods and steps out of the car. “Thank you.” 

She needs to get some sleep. 

-

Momo rolls her eyes playfully across the room at Jeongyeon as their trainer drones on about whatever new technologies were being adopted by the rival ‘wrath’ faction and the inside information that was required in order for the diligence faction to develop their own competing technologies. 

They both hated this class. 

Jeongyeon uncontrollably lets out an unflattering heave of laughter and the rest of the room turns to her. Momo can’t help herself from ripping into fits of giggles and Chaeyoung watches on fondly at the situation. 

The trainer at the front of the room sighs. “Jeongyeon, were you not just assigned a new superior? Do you want me to report you for inappropriate behaviour already?” 

Jeongyeon stills. Her time working at the administration had only been made more difficult since her return. 

“We’re 23. We don’t need to be punished and reprimanded like children.” Momo defends Jeongyeon. 

“Tell that to the superiors who reported her for disloyalty to the faction” the trainer at the front of the room responds. The air in the room grows suffocatingly thick and Jeongyeon bows her head. Will her reputation ever return to the renowned, heroic agent that her trainers and family raised her to be or will she always live in the shadow of her ‘dissident’ nature, she can’t help her racing thoughts. 

It’s a good thing the lesson is due to end in five minutes because Jeongyeon gets up and leaves. She’s sacrificed too much for this faction to do nothing but shame her for something she can’t help. 

Momo and Chaeyoung catch up to her, calling her name down the hallway. Several agents passing by turn their head momentarily to observe the commotion before hurrying off. 

“Come on, let’s head home and relax before Nayeon’s party tomorrow.” Momo suggests, placing her hands on Jeongyeon’s shoulders and moving her towards the elevator. She directs her movement like a puppeteer and Jeongyeon can’t help but grin. 

“I’ve always been told that that trainer is a bit of a bitch and now we got to see it for ourselves I guess huh?” Chaeyoung offers as she stands next to the pair in the elevator. 

They hum in response and unanimously decide on heading to the nearest convenience store to grab snacks and milkshakes for their impromptu movie night. Jeongyeon has needed this. It’s no secret that Nayeon’s mission partner was Jihyo. The administration liked to make use of their ‘amazing teamwork’ and so Nayeon’s return also inevitably meant the possibility of bumping into Jihyo somewhere along the line again. 

She had four months of peace knowing Jihyo was nowhere near her vicinity. Seeing Jihyo this morning only proved Jeongyeon’s anxieties were valid and she desperately needed a girls night in to take her mind off of it. She knew sleep would escape her again tonight anyway.

-

Jihyo spends the evening hanging out with Nayeon and Sana. Nayeon had thought Jihyo would be sick of her by the time their mission ended but it always felt strange not spending every minute of every day together after missions. 

So here Jihyo was, lying across the couch in Sana’s living room as they watched an episode of whatever drama Nayeon was recently obsessed with. Jihyo had no idea what was going on but she was content just being in their presence. 

She distractedly traces her fingers over the diligence faction tattoo on her waist, moving over the lines and intricacies that had emerged on her skin at birth. 

Tattoos always emerged as a basic faction marking once a child was born. But throughout one’s life, these markings would develop into illustrations that reflected the character of the person whose skin it lay upon. Every birthday, new markings emerged and it was always the most exciting part of the day, watching as the faction markings changed to reflect whatever experiences had moulded that person over the years. 

Each faction had their own telltale markings distinguishing each person and the faction they were born tied to, but along with the clear diligence marking, Jihyo’s experiences had provoked the emergence of dark and mysterious lines on her 20th birthday. These were insidious markings representing more than just diligence, but betrayal and heartbreak. They boldly painted the skin on her waist and Jihyo flinched as she noticed Nayeon staring at her tattoo. 

Jihyo tucks her shirt into her tracksuit bottoms and folds her hands together. 

While everyone often loved to flaunt their markings from time to time, Jihyo had avoided allowing Nayeon to see her tattoo at all costs since her 19th birthday. Nayeon’s marking developed into a tattoo symbolising not just diligence, but bravery, courage, and ambition. Nayeon had become the perfect example for her sister to follow. 

Jihyo’s tattoo appeared to represent nothing but darkness and despair and she was ashamed to show anyone else. How could her sisters follow in her example in the same way? How could she be the example of the perfect and talented agent everyone painted her to be when her marking emerged to represent the virtues that described the opposite of what was expected of a ‘diligence’ citizen. 

She watches from the corner of her eye as Nayeon whips her head back to the TV but she misses the way Sana looks back up from her tucked in shirt. And she misses the look of recognition gracing Sana’s expression as she realises that she has seen a similarly ominous marking somewhere before. More specifically, on Jeongyeon’s waist.


	2. Oxygen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again :D  
> Had this one in the works for a bit so here is chapter 2! Oh and we really do love to see #MoreandMore1stWin !!!!  
> Anyway, enjoy!

It’s safe to say that this is the worst Jihyo has felt in a long time. Of course, nothing has quite been right in the last three years. Everything has felt immensely out of place, but she has never felt so despairing as she does now. 

She’s at home. She couldn’t bare the thought of Nayeon querying about her tattoo so she whipped out the usual ‘I’m tired’ excuse and bidded the couple good night. The look on Jeongyeon’s face when they locked eyes in the training centre this morning has been plaguing her mind and it seems that even a girls night in couldn’t do much to alleviate her stress. 

Jihyo scrolls through her phone to pass the time. Maybe she’ll fall asleep if she spends long enough staring at the blaring screen. She reads through and replies to a few texts: a couple messages from Momo asking if she’s holding up ok, another from Nayeon asking if she’s managed to get to sleep yet and one from Dahyun basically demanding her to turn up to the party tomorrow. 

She eventually finds herself flicking through old photos that she simply never had the heart to delete. Her lockscreen used to be a picture of her and Jeongyeon. Now it’s a picture of herself and the girls taken at Dahyun’s 19th birthday party. Jeongyeon naturally isn’t in the picture and she supposes the whole situation was made easier by the fact that neither of them needed to make excuses not to go. Jeongyeon wasn’t available because she was on a solo mission. 

Jihyo hates the way her heart clenches when she thinks about the 20 year old version of herself who had desperately looked out for any sight of Jeongyeon’s trademark sneakers, regardless of her friends’ promises that she wouldn’t be in attendance.

She thought she hadn’t been obvious about it. But her friends knew her. And they recognised the desperate look of hope on her face every time she turned to search the flood of strangers bustling through the bar doors. 

She finally scrolls so far through her camera roll that pictures of herself and Jeongyeon flood the screen. Maybe it’s the cathartic feeling of finally confronting her repressed emotions but Jihyo finally lets herself go. 

She can already feel herself losing control as she swipes across the screen shakily, coming across photo upon photo of herself with Jeongyeon. There’s one of them together in the bar they all used to frequent; Jeongyeon’s hands on her hips, head on Jihyo’s shoulder and they’re both gleaming at the camera.  
There’s another of the two of them on a training exercise in a field in the middle of nowhere. Jeongyeon has a flower tucked behind her ear and while Jihyo is smiling directly at the camera, Jeongyeon is looking at Jihyo, her signature smirk on her face. 

She finally swipes to come across a picture of the two of them on the ‘graduation day’ of their first year as trainee agents; both five years old, each bearing matching fairy hair clips and their adorable training uniform. Their backs are to each other and they both have their arms crossed, attempting to pull off as threatening a glare as a five year old can possibly muster. Jihyo can tell from the way the picture is only slightly blurry that their parents were likely behind the camera in fits of laughter. 

She can taste the salt of her tears in her mouth and swipes at the screen to close her camera roll, quickly clicking on her list of contacts in an attempt to call Nayeon before she loses herself completely. She doesn’t manage to get that far though. 

It hurts so much. The heartbreak rips through her all over again and hits her so strongly that she has to take a deep intake of breath to steady herself. Jihyo finally lets herself cry. Sure she has had her moments over the years, shedding a tear or two over leaving her friends for a few months to embark on a mission, or finally breaking down in the training centre’s changing room at 3am after training for what felt like an eternity. 

But this time she finally lets herself really cry. Sobbing on the edge of her bed, knees pulled to her chest and duvet sheets puddling around her feet. She finally lets herself cry over the heartbreak that has wreaked havoc over her life for the past three years. And she finally lets herself cry over the friend she’s lost. 

Her sobs become so uncontrollable that she has to grip the bed sheets to calm herself down. They rack her body so vigorously she can’t seem to control her breathing and she begins to feel like she’s suffocating. A wave of nausea takes over and the room seems to spin a little.

Her heart breaks for the version of herself three years ago that so adamantly believed she would get her Jeongyeon back. And Jihyo breaks as she thinks about what her 19 year old self would think if she saw the state of her friendship with Jeongyeon now; non-existent. A world without Jeongyeon seemed, to her younger self, a life not worth living. And now here she was, living that very nightmare. 

Her sobs fill the room and she becomes so wrapt up in trying to calm herself down that she forgets her phone, discarded across the bed. Jihyo fails to realise that in the process of finally letting herself go, her phone has somehow mistakenly called someone’s number. 

Facedown against the pillow, the ringtone on the other line hums. Jihyo’s eyes widen as she flings the bed sheets into the air trying to find the device. Her eyes catch the dimly lit screen on the pillow and she snatches it back. 

She has a sudden moment of realisation that she can’t stand the thought of Nayeon seeing her like this right now. She can’t bear Nayeon seeing her so heartbroken over Jeongyeon when she had been adamant for years that she was ‘ok’ about the situation. Because really, her friends are right. They know them both so well and they were always right. Jihyo can’t just pretend this pain she’s been harbouring for years simply doesn’t exist. 

Jihyo suddenly feels like she’s been so selfish. Her best friends avoid talking about Jeongyeon around her even though she is so immensely entangled in their lives too. 

Jihyo has gotten so used to this reality that the thought of finally confronting it sends a shock of anxiety through her. If this all bubbles up now, would their group break even further? Would they realise what kind of person Jihyo was and hate her for it? 

Jihyo convinces herself as she manically wipes the streams of tears off her face, that this was merely a moment of weakness. Even if her finger was hovering over Nayeon’s contact a mere 5 minutes ago, Jihyo convinces herself that she doesn’t need Nayeon’s advice right now. She just needs to let it all out and then she’ll be fine. 

Her breath stops as she looks at the contact. Jihyo swears her screen was on Nayeon’s contact profile a second ago but as she stares at the name in front of her, spelling ‘Jeong’ in bright letters, she fails to end the call in time. 

“Uh hello?” The familiar voice echoes into the dark expanse of Jihyo’s room. 

Jihyo notes that her voice isn’t subdued by sleep as most would be if she had called literally anyone else at nearly 3am in the morning. At least she’s not the only one with a concerning inability to sleep. 

Jihyo’s heart bursts out of her chest as she comes to her senses. The voice is so familiar and sounds so much like home, yet it’s so far away and surprising that Jihyo’s mouth opens and shuts like a fish. 

She simply cannot form a reply. Even if she wasn’t racked by shock, what was there to reply with? It’s not like she could just call with a quick ‘hi, it’s Jihyo! I don’t know if you remember me but we were best friends for 15 years!’ 

Her thoughts race. 

“Hello is anyone there? Who is this?” her voice rings in Jihyo’s ears. 

Jihyo finally makes the shift to move, clicking the glaring red button and ending the call. 

She never had the heart to delete her best friend’s number, but she realises now that Jeongyeon didn’t feel the same need to save Jihyo’s. Clearly Jeongyeon had made her mind up about where she saw Jihyo in her future. Deleting her number obviously meant that Jeongyeon definitely had no plans of reaching out ever again.

Jihyo thinks that Jeongyeon might have erased her number, but at least she doesn’t have her blocked anymore. 

-

“You look like shit.” Nayeon states nonchalantly. They’re standing in Nayeon’s open plan kitchen, eating from a bowl of crisps. It’s the next morning and it’s safe to say that Jihyo did not get a wink of sleep last night. 

“Thanks.” Nayeon immediately shifts her gaze from the bowl to Jihyo, eyeing her suspiciously. Normally Jihyo would retort with some sort of witty response but the anxiety written all over her face is blaringly clear to Nayeon. 

Nayeon slowly places another crisp in her mouth, maintaining her gaze on Jihyo’s face. 

“I know I’m the prettiest girl you’ve ever laid your eyes upon but is there any need to stare at me like that?” Jihyo rolls her eyes. Nayeon sighs but smiles in relief nevertheless. A beat of silence passes. Nayeon stops munching on her food. 

“Is everything ok? And please don’t dismiss the question like you always do. You need to talk to someone Jihyo. Seriously.” 

Their ‘returning home party’ is due to commence in a few minutes. They’re expecting their first guests soon. Nayeon claims it’s only a small gathering but judging by the way she has the living room cleared of all her valuable belongings, Jihyo is not so sure just how ‘small’ this gathering will be. Sana is pondering around the living room, tidying bits and pieces away, humming whatever song she’s heard on the radio this morning. 

“What do you want me to say? You know nothing is ok, so what is there to talk about?-”

Nayeon cuts off whatever Jihyo plans to say next. “Did you call Jeongyeon last night?” 

Nayeon looks scared. Jihyo can’t remember the last time she’s seen her look so vulnerable in front of her. 

Jihyo doesn’t know how to respond and resolves to silence. She avoids Nayeon eyes and glances at Sana as she cleans, content, happy and undisturbed by reality. Jihyo wishes she could have some semblance of her old self back. 

“Jeong called me this morning. She sounded almost frantic. She was worried, Jihyo.” She almost flinches at the use of Jeongyeon’s nickname but she levels her eyes with Nayeon’s nonetheless. Still, she says nothing. 

“She didn’t realise who was ringing her last night, something about not having your number saved but she woke up this morning and realised it was you.” Nayeon makes a point of pointing her finger into Jihyo’s chest. “Do I have to remind you that Jeongyeon has everyone’s numbers memorised to heart? She said it sounded like you were crying, or sniffling at the very least…” 

There’s another beat of silence and again, Jihyo doesn’t know how to respond. 

“...Why didn’t you call me Ji?” Nayeon’s voice is so soft and so full of concern Jihyo feels her bottom lip quiver and her eyes glaze over. A lump forms in her throat and she feels like she might throw up. 

“It was an accident.” Jihyo’s voice is the smallest Nayeon has ever heard it. She just wants to wrap her friend in a massive hug and shield her from harm until she finally catches up on the sleep she has so obviously been missing. 

“I- I was just doing a lot of thinking yesterday and I don’t know. I guess everything came back to me,” Jihyo’s voice cracks. “I could never bring myself to hate her. But I hate how she left me. I hate how she left me alone to deal with the world by myself. And I hate how she didn’t bother to give me an explanation. She promised me that we would always face the world together and I don’t want to think that I hate her for breaking that promise. But I feel betrayed.” 

Tears spring to Nayeon’s eyes and she grabs Jihyo’s hand. “Jeongyeon hasn’t given any of us an explanation Jihyo. That’s what makes this whole situation harder. She changed while she was away and I feel so helpless all the time because she won’t talk to me about it.”

Nayeon’s voice quivers and Jihyo realises that even though the rest of her friends talk to Jeongyeon daily, maybe they are all just as out of the loop as she is.

“I feel like I’ve lost a part of who I am now that she’s not around.” Jihyo admits. “And it makes me hate the way she’s been acting. I can’t help it.”

“Trust me Jihyo, I understand. It hurts us too. We all miss how things used to be. And I guess we’ve all lost a part of ourselves because of it too.” Nayeon’s last words are so quiet Jihyo nearly misses them but as soon as she opens her mouth to respond, there’s an incessant knock on the door. 

“I’ll get it!” Sana’s giggles erupt from the living room as she rushes over to the front door. They listen as Sana immediately begins conversation with whoever has waltzed into the apartment. Nayeon is about to make a move towards the first attendees but she turns to Jihyo instead. 

Nayeon stares at Jihyo emotionless. Jihyo can usually read Nayeon like an open book but now she has no idea what she’s thinking and it almost terrifies her. Nayeon reaches to open the cabinet below Jihyo. 

She takes out a bottle of whatever drink she can get her hands on and she prays it’s something with at least 40% alcohol.

Spinning the bottle top open, Nayeon pours the clear liquid into two plastic cups and then draws a carton of apple juice from the other side of the kitchen countertop and pours what she can quickly. Taking a sip for herself, Nayeon shoves the other cup towards Jihyo, who takes it reluctantly. 

Jihyo does nothing as Nayeon stares at her. Finally, Nayeon looks down at Jihyo’s cup and back up to meet her gaze. She gives her sad smile, and her fingers tenderly brush against Jihyo’s free hand, holding her against the kitchen counter. 

“Drink up Ji, you’re gonna need it.”

-

Turns out Nayeon’s ‘small’ gathering is not so small. Countless strangers are littered throughout the open plan apartment and there’s almost no space to move. Jihyo has no idea how Nayeon got the clearance from the apartment complex to host this. She supposes Nayeon didn’t bother getting any clearance at all. It’s ridiculous really, but she expects nothing less from Nayeon and she chuckles to herself a little. 

Jihyo is standing in the kitchen with Dahyun and Mina, the same plastic cup still in her hand but she’s gone through at least three or four refills by now. 

“-And that’s why Chae challenged me to a fight in the middle of lunch the other day. My life is clearly constantly on the line here.” Dahyun jokes with Mina. Jihyo doesn’t want to rudely admit that she hasn’t been listening but she’s too distracted really. 

The girls have been acting weird tonight. They keep glancing around, checking their phones and maintaining a look out for Jihyo. This hasn’t gone over her head. Jihyo considers herself observant for a reason. They’re all highly trained agents after all. 

Mina hums in response to Dahyun’s story. “Chaeyoung challenges you to a fight every hour of every day and yet we never get to know who wins.” She raises her eyebrows at Dahyun in question, a playful smirk painting her face. 

“That’s because I obviously clatter her to the ground every time and she doesn’t want to admit that to you guys.” Mina snorts at Dahyun’s joke and takes another drink from her cup. 

Their phones both ding and Jihyo draws her attention to the pair beside her who share a glance. 

“Who’s that?” Jihyo didn’t want to let on that she was getting weirded out but her curiosity gets the better of her. 

There’s a beat of silence. “Oh uh. Just Sana asking us whether we’ve seen Nayeon around. You know what she’s like.” Mina declares. 

Jihyo does know what she’s like. And as much as Nayeon is a challenge while drunk, she knows Mina is lying to her face because Nayeon has most certainly been attached to Sana the entire evening. Anxiety shoots up through Jihyo’s stomach and into her throat. And it’s made worse by the little cheers she hears upon someone’s entrance into Nayeon’s apartment. 

She spots the flash of blonde hair before she sees Nayeon careening towards her who grapples Jihyos arms with such force that she almost topples on top of Dahyun. 

Mina stares on with wide eyes. 

“Ok we have a problem.” She’s out of breath as she glances between the three girls. 

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Nayeon closes her eyes, braving herself for Jihyo’s reaction. 

“I told her you were coming to the party. I told her this morning. I told her. I did. I didn’t think she’d turn up I swear. I-” Nayeon’s rapid ranting is cut off by a series of cheers next to them. 

“Hey, it’s been a while Yoo!” an agent Jihyo vaguely remembers from her trainee days calls from the other side of the kitchen. Nayeon looks between the hustle of the crowd and Jihyo frantically. 

Sana finally pushes into the kitchen, her hand tugging on someone else’s. And as soon as her gaze falls on Jihyo her smile shifts into surprise. She lets go of Jeongyeon’s hand like lightning and turns to try and push the girl back into the crowd. 

Jeongyeon laughs it off as a joke and pushes past Sana regardless of her attempts. 

Jihyo feels an overwhelming urge to leave and run out the door but she can’t help herself from staring. The last time Jihyo saw Jeongyeon up close like this, with the exception of the situation in the gymnasium the other day, Jeongyeon had a bloody stitch running through her left eyebrow and wore stress on her face like it was an accessory. 

This new long, blonde hair is so breathtaking on Jeongyeon that Jihyo feels her words get physically stuck in her throat. In the back of her head, Jihyo wonders how someone can look so gorgeous as to literally take her breath away. Surely that was just a thing of movies? Apparently not. 

Jeongyeon is dressed in a pair of leather trousers, white shirt tucked in, leaving the top few buttons undone. From Jeongyeon’s unusual towering height over Sana, she can tell that the girl is sporting a pair of heeled boots or something of the sort. 

After casting Sana a weird look, Jeongyeon finally notices the cause of everyone’s discomfort. Jihyo carefully meets her eyes. She guesses that she probably looks like she’s seen a ghost. 

And if anyone was to watch the scene unfolding in the kitchen, it would look like time stopped in the middle of a bustling party. 

Random acquaintances of Nayeon walk through picking up drinks and chatting to whoever they meet by the sink or fridge while, around the kitchen island, 6 friends are standing stock still, staring at each other. 

Jihyo expects Jeongyeon to walk away like she has always done but she doesn’t. They all watch carefully as Jeongyeon turns to Sana slowly, “what did you say you wanted to drink?”. 

Sana looks like she’s been shocked out of a daze by her question. “Uh. It doesn’t matter, I’ll have whatever you’re having.” 

She offers her best friend a comforting smile and leans her body against the kitchen island, her hands curl around the countertop edge as she tries to support herself. 

Nayeon shoots a look of concern across at Sana before they all turn to watch Jeongyeon walk cooly around the island. Jeongyeon finally reaches Jihyo’s position and stoops down to open the cabinet below the girl, pulling out whatever drink she catches first. 

Jeongyeon is so close to her, Jihyo could reach out and pull her into a hug if she wanted to. Of course she’s not going to do that though. Jeongyeon’s signature perfume brings Jihyo back to a much simpler time and again, it hurts. 

It hurts to have her best friend so close to her and yet not be able to slide her fingers into Jeongyeon’s hand, to plant a random little kiss on her cheek or to wrap her in a hug. Instead, Jihyo remains as still as ever. She supposes they’re not really friends anymore. Strangers would be a better word to describe them.

Jeongyeon rises with a bottle of whatever she could find and takes the cup that Sana had slid across the island to her. Refilling it, she reaches across the counter top to slide it back and Sana hums a thank you. Jeongyeon takes a sip of her own and looks up, noticing the countless eyes staring at her in astonishment. 

It’s been three years since they’ve been anywhere near each other. And now that Jeongyeon is standing a mere inch away from Jihyo, neither of them have anything in particular to say. 

She takes another sip, glancing around at everyone. 

“Is there something on my face?” Jeongyeon jokes but she knows. Of course she knows why they’re staring at her. But maybe she’s had enough. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t want to hate her. Jihyo betrayed her, sure. Jeongyeon feels like she’ll never allow Jihyo to regain her trust back but maybe she’s sick of the constant walking on egg-shells she has to endure around her friends. 

She avoided Jihyo for the very reason that: she didn’t want to hate her. She wanted to remember Jihyo as the person she always ran to when she needed a good cry or a hug. She wanted to remember the way Jihyo knew to draw circles on the small of her back or cradle her neck with a gentle hand whenever stress got the better of her. She wanted to remember the way they laughed until they couldn’t breathe. And she wanted to remember the way Jihyo looked at her. Like she loved her. 

She didn’t want to remember a version of Jihyo that looked at her with remorse. She didn’t want to remember the way her world stopped all them years ago when she realised that maybe she doesn’t mean the world to Jihyo. At least not like Jihyo meant the world to her. 

But god, Jeongyeon is exhausted. 

She can’t keep up with this little routine anymore and she’s sick of the recluse she has basically become because of it. She wants at least some semblance of her old self back, even if it’s a life where all she can see when she looks at Jihyo, is a stranger. 

Jeongyeon glances at the girl beside her. Jihyo looks like she’s stopped breathing. Like if she moves even the slightest bit, she’ll scare Jeongyeon away. She shifts her glance to the near enough empty cup in Jihyo’s hand. 

They both need a drink. 

“Need a refill?” Jeongyeon stares into her eyes and Jihyo is quite literally ready to serve her soul to god right then and there. 

“Uh yeah… That’d be great.” Jihyo shakes herself out of her sturper and sends the other girls a shaky smile. She quickly brushes the loose hair out of her face and behind her ear, moving her cup closer to Jeongyeon as she pours the drink. 

The way nobody says a word slightly unnerves Jeongyeon but she knows she has to push through it. She can’t stand what her life has become and she needs to make a change. So she pretends she’s not bothered. She acts like the renowned, talented and confident agent she is, or once was, and passes the cup back to her ‘old friend’ with a smirk. 

Jihyo hates the way the smirk feels like it’s ridiculing her. Like Jeongyeon is laughing at the way Jihyo’s hand’s shake a little or the way she couldn’t get the words out of her mouth to speak a few seconds ago. 

It feels like she’s taunting her for not being able to get over losing her and Jihyo hates her for it. 

All Jeongyeon can see when she looks back into her eyes is betrayal. And Jeongyeon hates her for it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this!  
> I can't remember the last time I wrote purely for my own enjoyment and I've found some kind of solace in doing this little bit of writing so maybe I'll be updating more often than I previously intended :)
> 
> Anyway, let me know your thoughts and drop a little kudos if you like it!  
> Thanks for reading :D  
> \- Find me over on twitter @fatedforce


	3. Firework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihyo wonders whether Jeongyeon still dances as care free as she used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna post this on wednesday but I finished editing it early so enjoy!

Jihyo has no idea what she’s doing here anymore. Even though they’re all talking as if nothing is wrong, the tension in the room is palpable and it’s driving her crazy. She came here for a good time, to let go a little and yet here she is, standing next to the girl who hasn’t bothered to say a word to her for three years. 

Jihyo’s free hand is curled around the edge of the kitchen countertop as she attempts to stabilise the spike of anger that rushes through her. 

Jeongyeon hasn’t moved from her side since she ‘so chivalrously’ poured her a drink and her heart hasn’t stopped slamming against her chest since the blonde girl appeared around the corner of the kitchen nearly 40 minutes ago. 

She hates the way everyone is acting like nothing is out of the ordinary. It quite frankly upsets her to the core; the way they’re all chatting and joking like they did three years ago and she realises that this is what they’re like around Jeongyeon when she’s not there. 

And Jihyo realises that she is obviously the only one who’s been missing out on the older girls ridiculous attempts at dad jokes and cheesy confessions of appreciation for her friends. 

Jihyo knows that her friends have had to maintain separate friendships with the both of them and so she doesn't know why this comes as such a startling realisation to her. 

Still, she restrains from saying a single word, scared to bring Jeongyeon’s attention upon herself; attention that she has been so starved of for the last three years. 

Momo and Chaeyoung joined the conversation a little over 15 minutes ago, walking into the room with wide eyes and questioning glances. Jihyo certainly has not failed to notice the way Momo protectively rubs her hand up and down Jeongyeon’s back. 

She supposes, out of everything Jihyo is witnessing, this is one of the instances that is least surprising. While Jihyo would jump in front of a train for Momo, the older girl has always leaned closer to Jeongyeon. 

She thinks back to all the times that Momo rose to Jeongyeon’s defence whenever the conversation would steer in the direction of Jeongyeon’s newly developed mood swings. Or in the direction of the secret as to why Jeongyeon was sentenced to a year in the loyalty reformation programme.

Jihyo of course, never got to witness these changes in Jeongyeon’s personality first hand, but she always caught the little glances they shared whenever they got a “I need to call you x” text from the girl. 

Jihyo might not have seen the girl in the last three years but she knows Jeongyeon is feeling at least slightly better now. Their friends no longer talk about Jeongyeon with concern lacing their voices.

Now, whenever she is mistakenly or discreetly mentioned around Jihyo, it’s because the girl has invited her friends to an impromptu cinema trip or refuses to stop sending them whatever memes she has stored in her camera roll. 

Jihyo also always ignores the dull ache in her chest at the thought of her past self taking these little things she adored about Jeongyeon for granted. She’d kill to be on the receiving end of Jeongyeon’s silly meme conversations. Or to have Jeongyeon respond to a text message with a stupid reaction picture. 

“- And we thought, well since I am absolutely refusing to dye my hair blonde, why not have Jihyo dye her hair! My hair advice clearly is impeccable given Jihyo’s current hair situation. Right, Ji?” Nayeon’s voice and subsequent round of cackles interrupt Jihyo’s trance. 

“Uh… Sorry I tuned out for a bit, what were you saying?” She directs her gaze up from her daydreaming into the crowd towards Nayeon, who is standing across the kitchen island. 

All her friends are looking at her gently, concern written on their face, yet expectantly waiting for Jihyo’s first attempt to join into the conversation. 

While she has been able to feel Jeongyeon’s occasional gaze on her throughout the last 40 minutes, now she can feel her stare clawing into her as she thinks of a response. 

“Your hair.” Nayeon points at the pink strands straightened down her shoulders. “It’s your favourite style yet right? And it’s all 100% down to my beautiful advice.” She jokes to lighten the mood and everyone chuckles in succession. 

But Jihyo can only watch as her laugh turns into a tender smile, encouraging her to finally say something. 

Jihyo would usually be the one drunkenly shouting at the top of her lungs in rebuttal to whatever ambitious claim Nayeon makes about herself. Now the alcohol does nothing but numb her anger, drawing her to thoughts she repressed years ago. 

Jihyo is as quiet as her friends have ever seen her at a party. 

“Right, yeah. I had the brown hair for as long as I can remember so it’s a nice change.” 

“I personally think my favourite hairstyle on you was when you went purple for like a week.” Chaeyoung comments jokingly, yet completely serious.

“I love this hair on you Ji.” Mina comments. Everyone hums in agreement. 

Conversation erupts as they all debate Jihyo’s best hairstyle. She watches from the corner of her eye as only Jeongyeon remains silent. 

“I think pink is beautiful on you.” Jeongyeon finally whispers. 

She knows Jeongyeon hadn’t meant to let that comment slip and she knows that even if she did, Jeongyeon didn’t mean for everyone to hear it. 

Nevertheless, the conversation stills. They all look between the pair standing so incredibly close to each other, yet universes apart. 

Jihyo’s eyes widen as she takes her first proper glance at the girl beside her. 

A deep red blush paints the girl’s cheeks and it takes all the will power in the world for Jihyo not to coo over how insanely cute she is right now. 

The Jeongyeon that Jihyo used to know would have erupted into fits of embarrassed giggles by now, hiding her face with her hair and covering her eyes with her hands. 

The Jeongyeon that stands in front of her now does none of that. Instead, she offers Jihyo a sad smile and continues to glance up and down at Jihyo’s long straightened pink hair. 

Jihyo is quite literally left breathless at her boldness. “...Well… I suppose I do have Nayeon to thank for her excellent hair advice then.” She makes an attempt at a joke. 

“Nayeon told me to go pink two years ago. And she told Sana to go pink. She tells everyone to go pink. I think you should be thanking yourself for being so pretty to be able to look as good as you do with pink hair.” Jeongyeon’s sad smile morphs into another smirk as she pulls her cup up to her face to take a drink. 

Jihyo can’t help the butterflies that erupt in her stomach at how incredibly attractive the girl standing beside her is right now. 

She hates herself for thinking this way. She hates her for how she’s treated her. Yet Jihyo supposes that whatever hatred she harbours for the girl, doesn’t stop her from wanting Jeongyeon to push her up against the nearest wall right there and then. 

Jihyo pushes the thoughts to the very back of her head. She blames the alcohol. The drink has 100% contributed to whatever absolutely insane and delusional monologue is occurring in her head right now. 

Jihyo takes a second to answer and she absolutely knows that her friends are watching her with amusement, trying not to laugh. This is confirmed by Momo’s attempts at whistling which is immediately shut down by Chaeyoung who elbows her in the stomach. 

“The blonde looks good on you as well. Did Nayeon give you her amazing hair tips too?” Jihyo tries her best to match Jeongyeon’s smirk. 

Any remnants of a smirk is immediately wiped off Jihyo’s face however, when she watches as Jeongyeon takes another nervous sip of her drink and her shirt sleeve slides down her arm. 

A scar envelopes the entirety of Jeongyeon’s lower arm and Jihyo can’t help herself from looking at it. She knows she’s not being discreet but the scar is so disturbing that her eyes are drawn to it regardless. 

It’s a branding scar; the evidence of Jeongyeon having been subjected to the placement of a hot iron on her skin and it takes the shape of the diligence faction coat of arms. It wraps around her whole arm and Jeongyeon immediately slams her cup down onto the counter-top, pulling her sleeve back down. 

“I felt like I needed to change things up a bit so I chose this colour myself.” Jeongyeon’s voice is stilted and the atmosphere chills at her tone. 

Jihyo is still reeling from seeing the state of Jeongyeon’s arm and she turns to the rest of the girls to gage their reactions. Nayeon and Sana grimace at the unfolding situation and it becomes clear that this branding scar is not new information to any of them. 

“Well you definitely made a good choice there then.” In the light, her hair is more of a silver colour and Jihyo takes a second to admire it. 

Jeongyeon hums a thanks, pulling her gaze away from Jihyo. 

The conversation splits into two after that. They all remain in their positions around the island but Jihyo engages in conversation solely with Sana, Nayeon and Mina while Jeongyeon, standing right next to her, talks with Momo, Dahyun and Chaeyoung. 

Jihyo tries so hard to ignore the way Jeongyeon’s arm grazes against her own as she listens to Mina talk about her latest expensive purchase of a gaming laptop. 

Finally, Sana announces her departure to talk to a couple of agents they all used to train with and she takes Nayeon’s hand to bring the girl with her. 

“Wanna come Jeong?” Sana is giving Jeongyeon a way out; an escape from the current situation and honestly, Jihyo would completely understand if she took it. 

She doesn’t, however. 

“You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you later.” Jeongyeon nods her head cooly. Sana sends her a tender smile and glances at Jeongyeon for a few seconds longer before pulling Nayeon into the crowd with her. Jihyo curiously watches as it happens.

They resume their separate conversations but once Mina takes off, apologising for having to leave early because of a morning meeting she has, Jihyo feels like a bit of a useless lemon. 

She stands there sipping her drink and watching the room teeming with people for a few minutes. 

Soon Dahyun and Chaeyoung move to make their way over to the living room so that they can change the song playing through the speakers and they ask Jihyo if she wants to come with them. They’re giving her an escape too but Jihyo doesn’t take it either. 

She shakes her head in refusal and they dance their way into the crowd without her. 

Momo eventually notices Jihyo daydreaming into space and moves her arm across Jeongyeon to tap her shoulder. 

“We’re gonna join the crowd for a little dance. Wanna join?” Momo practically shouts over the music. 

Jeongyeon watches her carefully. Jihyo suddenly wonders if Jeongyeon still dances the same way at parties, with her tongue peeking out from between her teeth in subconscious concentration, hands in the air as she shifts from foot to foot and eyes on Jihyo. 

“Sure, I’ll join you guys.” 

Momo’s eyes light up and she pushes past the pair into the crowd, turning around and jokingly stretching her arms out as if separating the countless sweaty bodies around them like the red sea. 

They both laugh at her ridiculousness. 

Jeongyeon hastily follows so as not to lose Momo in the crowd but she doesn’t fail to notice the way Jihyo rapidly attempts to catch up with her while being pushed around by the bustling strangers. 

Jeongyeon looks behind her to meet Jihyo’s eyes and stretches her arm out, offering a hand for Jihyo to take so that she doesn’t lose them.

Jihyo’s heart stutters but she’s had way too much to drink at this stage and she doesn’t care for what Jeongyeon might think of the way she grasps her hand without a single second of hesitation. 

Their fingers slot together into a tight hold and Jeongyeon leads Jihyo to wherever Momo runs off to. 

Despite the numerous scars and gashes that litter Jeongyeon’s hand, Jihyo rolls her thumb over the soft skin like she always used to. 

Jihyo makes a mental note to slot away this memory for the next time she wonders what security and protection really feels like.

Finally, they reach the centre of the room, the lights of the city skyscrapers streaming in through the glass windows. The neon lights that Nayeon had installed around the room fall onto Jeongyeon’s face and Jihyo thinks she looks so gorgeous like this. 

In no time at all, they’re all so consumed by the effects of their drinks that eventually Jeongyeon’s hands have snaked their way around Jihyo’s waist. 

Jihyo relishes in the way Jeongyeon doesn’t hesitate to nose her face into the crook of her neck as they dance. Jihyo moves her right hand to reach back to Jeongyeon behind her, caressing her neck, almost preventing her from moving away. 

Momo eventually disappears off somewhere and Jeongyeon’s touch creeps slightly under Jihyo’s shirt to graze against her stomach. 

Jihyo discovers through the rest of the night that yes, Jeongyeon does dance the same; tongue peaking out from between her parting lips, hands in the air and falling down her neck as she pushes her hair out of her face. 

And eyes on Jihyo. 

-

Jihyo wakes with a start. She’s not in her own bed. Nor is she in one of the guest rooms of Nayeon’s apartment that she usually takes whenever she sleeps around. 

She doesn’t recognise the grey walls that surround her or the countless picture frames that are hung on these walls. 

Her eyes widen when she notices that there is one person who is in every single one of these pictures without exception. Jeongyeon. 

There are countless pictures littering the walls, moments taken from Jeongyeon’s 22nd and 23rd birthday parties where all the girls are planting kisses on her cheek; moments which Jihyo obviously missed.

There are pictures of Jeongyeon and Momo on one of their missions together. And there’s another of the pair in the middle of a field, Momo mid sneeze and Jeongyeon ready to help with a tissue in hand. 

Jihyo’s face bursts into a sad smile as she scours the wall. 

There are pictures of Jeongyeon and Sana at a fun fair; Sana is carrying a teddy bear double the size of her small frame with Jeongyeon wrapping an arm around her, head leaning on Sana’s and a smile plastered across her face. 

The next photo Jihyo lays her eyes upon is one of Jeongyeon and Nayeon at a party. They both look drunk out of their minds but the lazy smiles on their faces makes her heart hurt a little more. 

There’s another of Nayeon, Momo, Chaeyoung and Sana with Jeongyeon accompanied by her sister at an animal shelter. 

These frames are all over her walls. 

Jihyo gazes over pictures of Jeongyeon and Mina on a sofa, blankets wrapped around them and gaming controllers in their hands. 

And her eyes gloss over now as she looks upon photos of Jeongyeon with Dahyun and Chaeyoung at their training graduation. She must have turned up whenever Jihyo left. 

Jihyo suddenly hates herself too. 

Another picture comes into view of Jeongyeon and a girl with black-reddish hair. The mysterious girl is surprisingly taller than Jeongyeon and they’re both in what looks like an office, sat in chairs at a desk. 

The unknown girl has her head on Jeongyeon’s shoulder and Jihyo racks her head to think of who she could be. She comes up with nothing, and settles with the fact that Jeongyeon has simply met new people with Jihyo not around. 

Finally, her eyes fall on a small framed photo that isn’t on her wall, but sitting on Jeongyeon’s desk against the bedroom window. It’s a picture of herself with Jeongyeon at her graduation. 

Jihyo is suddenly racked with the realisation that she’s in Jeongyeon’s apartment and in Jeongyeon’s bed. Jeongyeon is everywhere and it sends her spiralling. 

She sits up and looks down at herself. Her short skirt has been replaced by a pair of pyjama shorts and her glittery grey long sleeved shirt is now an oversized white shirt. It smells unmistakably of Jeongyeon and Jihyo suddenly wants to roll off a cliff with embarrassment. 

Jihyo sits there for a while, hands on the sheets of the bed as she tries to stop her half-asleep self from falling back under the duvet. 

The bed is empty next to her and so she doesn’t know what to do next. She is ultimately going to have to run into Jeongyeon now that she is quite literally lying half dressed in the middle of her apartment and Jihyo doesn’t know if she can take that now that she is sober. 

There’s a knock on the door before her mind can even decide on her next course of action. 

Nayeon’s voice echoes through the white door. “Jihyo will you get up already? You’ve been asleep for most of the day.” 

Jihyo shoots out of the bed, pulling the duvet covers off her body with speed. She takes a second to lean against the bed frame as a sudden flash of dizziness consumes her and the onset of a pounding headache makes itself known. 

She looks around the room for last night’s clothes and when nothing in the room points itself to Jihyo, she decides it’s time to leave the room and finally face reality; in shorts that barely cover her thighs and a barely opaque t-shirt. 

Opening the door slowly, Jihyo peeks out of the room, scouring the surroundings and braving herself for the worst. 

The door eventually creeks when she opens it a little further and Jihyo notices the three pairs of eyes that jump in her direction. 

Jihyo never got the chance to visit Jeongyeon’s new place and she realises now that Jeongyeon’s bedroom opens up right into the living room where Sana, Nayeon and the dreaded girl herself are sitting with cups of coffee in their hands. 

Nayeon and Sana immediately erupt into smirks and she catches sight of their hands lifting to cover their mouths in an attempt to stop themselves from laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

Jihyo pads further out of the room and as Jeongyeon’s curious glance shifts towards her attire, Jihyo just wants the room to swallow her up. 

“Jeong didn’t know what to do with you this morning and she didn’t fancy you walking home by yourself in this state so she called us.” Sana explains gently, a sympathetic smile graces her face. She lifts her coffee cup to take a sip and Jihyo nods with uncertainty, not sure what to do next. 

Now she definitely feels like a useless lemon. She moves her hands to the edge of her shirt in an attempt to pull it down a little to feel less exposed. 

It seems to break Jeongyeon out of her trance because she gets up with a start, frightening both Nayeon and Sana a little. The girl moves around the corner sofa and towards the grand dining table that sits behind the open plan living room. 

Jihyo spots her clothes from last night draped over one of the wooden chairs. Jeongyeon grabs them and nonchalantly walks back to the three of them. 

She reaches her hand out, clothes in hand, for Jihyo to take. 

“You needed to get home last night and I didn’t know where you live so I brought you here. Sorry, I probably should have just handed you over to Nayeon or Sana but they were a bit of a mess together and it didn’t look like they were planning on wrapping up the party anytime soon so…” Jeongyeon explains and Nayeon playfully squeaks an objection at Jeongyeon’s claim about the couple. 

Jihyo takes her clothes hastily. “No worries. Thank you for looking out for me.” 

“Of course.” Jeongyeon nods but Jihyo suddenly notices her oversized and short sleeved black shirt. Her branding scar is on full show now and Jihyo supposes there’s no reason to cover it in the comfort of her own home. 

Now that she’s looking at it again, Jihyo feels like she has invaded that little bit of comfort. 

“I figured your clothes weren’t the comfiest so I changed you into something I had lying around. Don’t worry, I didn’t look.” Jeongyeon explains, embarrassed. 

“Yeah I’m sure I wouldn’t have slept as well as I did if I was sleeping in a tight skirt huh?” Jihyo tries a lighthearted comment. 

“Right.” Jeongyeon responds shortly as she moves her hand to rest over her scar, masking it. 

Jihyo thinks it’s the best sleep she’s had in months because it felt like Jeongyeon was wrapped around her. But she moves her glance to one of the guest bedrooms off to the side and the messy duvet covers that drape over the bed. 

She shakes her head suddenly feeling silly. Of course Jeongyeon slept in one of the guest bedrooms. 

Jeongyeon’s stilted reply comes as a cue to leave and Jihyo looks at Nayeon with pleading eyes. 

“Ok we’ll head off then. My car is out front.” Nayeon answers her calls for help with a roll of the eyes as she stands from the sofa and picks up her cup to then walk over to the kitchen, placing it in the sink. 

Jeongyeon moves away from Jihyo to exchange words with Sana and Nayeon finally pushes her towards the door. Jihyo picks her heels up from the countless trainers that litter Jeongyeon’s doorway. She places them on and watches as Sana and Jeongyeon slowly approach, indulging in a serious and quiet conversation. 

“-Ok well I expect a call from you this evening Miss Yoo Jeongyeon.” Sana, half joking, half serious shoves a pointed finger into Jeongyeon’s chest. 

“Yes Satang.” Jeongyeon responds softly and Jihyo’s heart aches. She wishes she could be on the receiving end of Jeongyeon’s soft conversation. 

“Ok well I’ll see you guys later.” Jeongyeon is obviously talking to Sana and Nayeon. Her gaze quickly runs over Jihyo’s face but all she says to her is: “you can just give the clothes to Nayeon or whoever so that she can give them back to me. There’s no rush though, I won’t miss that shirt so don’t worry about it.” 

Jihyo gulps her anxiety down and nods. She turns to walk out the door with Nayeon and Sana trailing behind her. 

Jihyo thinks back to the little semblance of Jeongyeon she felt like she had gotten back last night and then glances up at the look of disdain written all over Jeongyeon’s face now. It’s almost like last night didn’t happen. 

Jihyo feels like she’s known her 20 seconds rather than 20 years and she suddenly hates Jeongyeon all over again. 

-

Jeongyeon sits on her sofa like that for a while, just staring out the window. She really doesn’t know what came over her last night. 

She blames the alcohol but really, how much can she blame it on the drink when she was dancing until 4 in the morning with the girl she has ignored for three years? 

Her finger runs over the scar on her arm and she thinks about the way Jihyo had looked shocked when she saw it last night. 

It confuses her to no end. What was there to be confused about? Surely Jihyo knows what she did to her? She shakes her thoughts away and grabs her phone to distract herself. 

She flicks through her contact list and presses the plus icon that appears at the top of the screen. She types Jihyo’s number, which she had learnt years ago off by heart, and begins to type ‘Ji’.

Jeongyeon shakes her head incredulously, almost disbelieving of herself. ‘Jihyo’ will do. 

She saves the contact and decides to flick through her camera roll. Pictures from last night emerge and Jeongyeon can’t help breaking into a smile at videos of Momo breaking out into an intense dance. 

She continues to flick through selfies she had taken with Chaeyoung and Dahyun later on in the night. There are a couple of pictures of her looking slightly ruffled but smiling nonetheless with Sana and Nayeon.

Jeongyeon remembers the way Nayeon had snatched the phone out of her hand and shoved her into the recliner chair, passing her phone onto a confused looking Jihyo to take a picture of Nayeon and Sana clambered onto Jeongyeon’s lap, arms around her neck and legs sprawled across each other. 

Jeongyeon’s hair is all over the place in these pictures but as she looks at the crinkles in the corner of her eyes from smiling so widely, Jeongyeon thinks happiness looks good on her. 

She flicks through a few pictures of her and Mina at pre-drinks a few hours before the party and finally comes across a single selfie of her and Jihyo. 

They look wasted out of their minds and Jeongyeon ignores the way her heart picks up as she notices that Jihyo has her head slightly nestled into Jeongyeon’s neck while she smiles at the camera. 

Jeongyeon notices how her hair sticks a little to her neck with sweat.

She eventually remembers the way Jihyo’s hand glided over her fingers to take the phone from her. And she thinks about the way Jihyo was so incredibly touchy with her by the end of the night when Jeongyeon had tried to walk her home. 

She remembers how Jihyo had proceeded to wrap her arms around Jeongyeon, dragging her on top of the girl as she tried to get Jihyo to lay down in bed. Jeongyeon, in her drunken state, gave up in her attempts to pull her away. 

Eventually the alcohol dragged the both of them into a deep sleep. 

Jeongyeon remembers as she woke up hours later finding her arms wrapped around Jihyo and she recalls the absolute shock that ran through her as she sat up, headache pounding behind her eyes. She also remembers the way Jihyo quietly called out her name as Jeongyeon moved to sleep in one of the guest rooms. 

Jihyo ultimately wouldn’t remember any of this at all. And Jeongyeon would pretend she didn’t too. 

A text pings through her notifications and Jeongyeon knows from the number that it’s a message from her superior. 

She reads it quickly: ‘Jeongyeon, please be ready to begin mission training this monday. This is an important one so I am placing all my trust in you to actually get this right. Please.’

Jeongyeon snorts to herself with disbelief. No one trusts her these days to get anything right. She supposes this is simply the consequence of returning from a loyalty reformation programme. 

Anger spikes through her and Jeongyeon replies with a short ‘Ok’ to her superior’s message and then proceeds to open her camera roll. She finds the one picture she took with Jihyo last night and clicks ‘delete’. 

This picture won’t be framed on her wall anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Leave a kudos if you liked it and feel free to comment what you think will happen next bc jeonghyo have a big storm coming :D  
> \- Find me over on twitter @fatedforce


	4. Make Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihyo watches Jeongyeon leave and she thinks that at least this time, she expects her to.

Jeongyeon is late. So late. And also so dead if her superior has anything to do with it. 

She’s walking down the headquarters building as fast as she physically can and it’s almost a miracle she hasn’t tripped in these heels yet. 

She feels her phone buzz in the pocket of her black dress trousers and she briefly unlocks it to read Sana’s private messages of good luck, telling her to come straight to her place afterwards if it all goes to shit in there. Jeongyeon chuckles at the sprinkle of emojis she sends as well because it’s just such a ‘Sana’ thing to do.

She then checks the messages of luck that the rest of her friends send in their group chat. The one they all have without Jihyo. 

She sends a quick thanks in reply and reiterates through text that: ‘I’ve got this.’. 

Jeongyeon had tried to let on that she wasn’t nervous but this was going to be her first mission with someone she didn’t know and ultimately, they all knew her well enough to tell that her more quiet demeanor the last few days was most definitely not attributable to excitement. 

Sure, Jeongyeon had gone on solo missions before but the only person she had to deal with for weeks at a time then was herself. And going on missions with Momo, Sana or Chaeyoung was easy. 

They know the little intricacies of each other’s personalities and understand one another’s boundaries. Going on a mission with someone she didn’t know would require Jeongyeon to build up the wall she had so gradually let down and she was dreading it. 

The double doors of the conference room Jeongyeon was supposed to have arrived in 15 minutes ago, falls into sight. 

She takes a breath, quickly taking a glance at her makeup in the front camera of her phone and running her hand swiftly through her now silver hair which she had straightened just for the occasion. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t miss the way everyone she passes in the hallway does a double take when they see her. Jeongyeon hates how infamous she’s become. And she hates how all everyone can see when they look at her is an administration secret waiting to spill open. 

She is so very aware of this. So she flips her hair over her shoulder as nonchalantly as she can and strides past the numerous familiar faces; faces of people she used to train and live with.

No one really recognises her as the same care free Jeongyeon, whose laugh used to fill these corridors and she thinks that maybe it’s better this way. She was getting tired of the way everyone thought they knew her. 

When in reality, no one knows a single thing about her. 

Jeongyeon finally places a hand around the handle on the door and takes a breath to steady herself. 

Pulling on the handle, she comes face to face with her superior. Jeongyeon quickly notices behind her that there is a room full of people looking at them and she winces at the public reprimanding her superior is about to commit. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Her superior whispers this but the room is dead silent so ultimately everyone can hear her. 

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Whatever. I’m sick of you letting everyone down so maybe try and get this next thing right for once.” She points to an empty seat at the top of the table and as she takes a look, Jeongyeon is almost blinded by the sunlight that streams through the glass wall.

She nods and once she begins to move, she notices it immediately; the pink hair sitting in the chair next to her assigned seat. 

Now she definitely wants the room to swallow her up. The past few days have unravelled countless memories and feelings that she had worked to repress for years and this is the last straw. 

Jeongyeon can physically feel the strength leave her body at the realisation that every effort she has made to recover at least some of her old self back, has flown out the window. 

Jeongyeon lets the anxiety settle in the pit of her stomach and she tries so hard to neglect the feeling that this whole situation is awfully familiar. Images of her 19 year old self thrash around in her head and panic shoots up her spine. She can’t do this. 

She watches as Jihyo, who has been discreetly observing the unfolding situation, finally meets her eyes. She seems to take a breath, as if to steady herself as well, and gives Jeongyeon a nod of acknowledgement. Jeongyeon doesn’t bother returning it. 

Jeongyeon cannot believe the absolute mess of a situation she’s gotten herself in. How can the administration, which absolutely knows of the tension between the pair, possibly think that it’s a good idea to place them together on a mission that will inevitably span months. 

Jeongyeon, having just walked down the hallway with grace, is now so consumed with rage that she roughly takes a seat in the chair, throwing her phone on to the table and crossing her legs. 

She can feel Jihyo’s startled yet scrutinising eyes on her but Jeongyeon really doesn’t care if she’s being unprofessional.

“Jeongyeon, please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.” The head trainer states across the table. 

This woman has always had it out for her. Jihyo was always her star student and once Jeongyeon’s damaged self was revealed to have attended a loyalty reformation programme, she became the ultimate scapegoat for any misjudgements made on Jihyo’s part. 

God, she hates this place.

Jeongyeon suddenly struggles to catch her breath a little bit. She loosens another one of the buttons on her shirt. 

“Can we just get on with this please?” Jeongyeon murmurs quietly as she grabs one of the meeting itineraries from the centre of the conference table and briefly glances down at the contract sitting in front of her.

She can still feel Jihyo’s stare on her and so she takes this as a cue to finally take a glance at the younger girl. 

Jihyo does not cower under her gaze. Instead she hands her a pen. “Write your name and the date on the bottom of the sheet. I did this already 15 minutes ago.” Her voice is taunting and smug. Jeongyeon hates it. 

She maintains her stare for one more lasting second before taking the pen from Jihyo’s hand hastily. She scribbles the essential details on to the top of the contract. She doesn’t plan on signing just yet.

She guesses that Jihyo doesn’t have the same idea because as she sneaks a glance at her sheet, Jihyo’s signature is written in perfect cursive along the dotted line. 

There’s a moment of quiet discussion before the meeting starts and Jeongyeon watches as every superior in the room attempts to discreetly steal a glance in their direction. 

Jeongyeon guesses that they’re probably thinking about what an absolute car crash their mission together is going to be and she wouldn’t blame them if they genuinely thought so.

“I’ll get the clothes you leant me the other night to Nayeon soon by the way.” Jihyo leans into her shoulder slightly to say this. Her voice is cold and stilted.

Jeongyeon flicks her eyes to the dash of pink hair that crosses her line of sight.

“Don’t worry about it. I have completely too many random white shirts lying around, I won’t miss it.” 

Jihyo nods her head slowly and turns to the mission director at the head of the table. 

“Ok so let’s begin then shall we.” He claps his hands with enthusiasm and Jeongyeon sits almost motionless as she absorbs the reality of what will be the next few months of her life. Meanwhile, Jihyo is beside her scribbling down every slither of information into her notebook. 

Soon, the gravity of the situation becomes clear and Jeongyeon bows her head a little, gripping the edge of the table to stabilise her breathing. 

“You two need to infiltrate the Wrath faction's administration and extract the blueprints for their political plans. If they plan to seize the assets of the other 6 factions, including us and succeed in over-running the system, the wrath faction will ultimately become the leading syndicate.” A man with fading hair and round glasses speaks from the end of the table.

"This is quite literally threatening the livelihood of our people. This mission is going to be the most important task of your careers yet." Another speaks.

“We don’t have that long before you set off on this assignment but we have created a rigorous schedule to give you the necessary training prior to leaving.” The head trainer states confidently with a pen behind her ear. 

She sends an encouraging smile at Jihyo and Jeongyeon wonders who the hell in this room is on her side. Not a single person here has her interests at heart and Jeongyeon knows the exact reason why they’re using her, exploiting her, for this mission. 

But Jeongyeon ultimately knows that she doesn’t have a choice in signing her name at the end of the flimsy piece of paper in front of her.

Her hand shakes a little as the pen meets the sheet. A man she doesn’t recognise is still blabbering on about further mission details but she focuses on the curves of her signature as her pen scratches the paper. 

Again, she feels Jihyo’s eyes on her and she hates how Jihyo can most certainly see the way the pen quivers between her fingers a little. 

She ignores the ghost of Jihyo’s hand brushing briefly against her thigh, as if she was thinking of reaching out to comfort her but thought better of it. 

Eventually, Jeongyeon looks down at her signature and it almost looks like it’s glowing on the page. She has basically just signed the next year of her life away but she supposes she didn’t have much choice in the first place. 

“We will move on to asking you two a few questions regarding your personal information. This is important just for records. Is that ok?” A stunning woman with long black hair asks. 

Jeongyeon nervously crosses her legs the other way, pulling her flared dress trousers up slightly. Jihyo nods beside her, placing her elbows on the table and resting her head on her hands. 

Jeongyeon knows she’s wearing a stunning black dress but she doesn’t bother taking too long of a look, scared of a repeat of whatever kind of episode she was having at that party last week. 

A few people leave the room as the meeting moves onto the next segment. Jeongyeon guesses it’s to create a more intimate and personal atmosphere because the once cluttered conference table, now has a mere 7 people sitting around it, including Jihyo and herself. 

The unknown woman moves to sit in a chair directly across the table from them and she sends the pair an easy smile, as if to comfort them. 

Jeongyeon thinks it’s sad that the only person in here that she could say might have her back, even a little bit, is this woman sitting in front of them; the only person to have bothered to smile at her today and a woman she has never met. 

“We just need to officially confirm any updates there may be to your personal information since your last missions.” 

“My last mission ended a week ago.” Jihyo states plainly. Her tone is tired and strained. Jeongyeon supposes she would feel the same if she was being forced to prepare for another exhausting mission a few days after arriving home. 

The woman in front of them nods in understanding. “This is just procedural, Jihyo.” She sends them another smile. 

They both remain still. A painful silence engulfs the room and the woman then moves an arm out and across the table to shake their hands.

“Irene. It’s a pleasure to meet you two, I’ll be co-coordinating this mission and I have been assigned specifically to deal with any personal matters, hence my attendance to this meeting.” 

Jihyo shakes her hand promptly but gives her an odd look nevertheless. Irene tilts her head in question. “Sorry, it’s nice to meet you too. It’s just that... Usually the person assigned to deal with personal matters isn’t so… involved..” 

To anyone else, this would sound condescending but Jeongyeon surprisingly wants to nod in agreement. 

Jihyo’s right, usually the mission director or some random employee they palm the responsibility off to, conducts the necessary interviews and questions. But Jeongyeon supposes there’s a very good reason for hiring someone specifically for this particular job.

“Well I’m sure there’s good reason for my involvement here, hm?” She tilts her head again as if gaging Jihyo’s reaction. Jihyo says nothing. 

There’s another beat of silence. 

“It’s good to meet you too Jeongyeon.” Jeongyeon finally shakes her hand. “I’ve read through your record and I know for sure that you’ll be an amazing asset to the team.” 

Jeongyeon is slightly taken aback by the compliment. In fact, maybe that’s a bit of an understatement because now Jeongyeon is sitting here speechless, hand still grasping the woman’s in front of her. 

She laughs and squeezes Jeongyeon’s hand as if to drag her out of her daze. “You don’t hear that often?” 

Jeongyeon lets go of her hand quickly, tucking it under the table. 

She shakes her head as nonchalantly as she can muster. “No. Not really.” 

“Well that’s sad to hear. I know there’s been certain... “ Irene flaps her hands around thinking of the right word, “-issues… But your mission and achievement record is outstanding. I’m sure you’re aware of that anyway. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t the administration’s top agent.” 

“Wow um. Well, thank you.” Jeongyeon nods her head shyly. She doesn’t really know how to respond. She hasn’t been treated like the decorated agent she once was since arriving back from the reformation programme. 

Jihyo’s head sways between the two of them beside her and Jeongyeon thinks it’s almost humorous because Jihyo will never understand the plight she has suffered. And even if Jeongyeon used to love sharing all her achievement’s with Jihyo, all Jeongyeon wants to do now is ensure that she does her job right. She can’t afford another wrong move. 

Jeongyeon thinks that maybe there really is at least one person in this room that has her back. 

“Ok Jihyo I just need to confirm a few details for the record. Please answer verbally and clearly so.” Irene takes out three notebooks covered in writing as well as a folder specifically intended for Jihyo’s personal documents. Jeongyeon knows so because the side of the folder has the girl’s name written in bold capital letters. 

Jihyo nods and sits forward. 

“Please just confirm the following. Your name is Park Jihyo. You’re 23. A member of the diligence faction. Your emergency contacts are your father, as well as an ‘Im Nayeon’.” 

“That is correct.” Professionalism drips from her lips. Jeongyeon used to always find this side to her an odd sight. She’s indifferent to it now though. If anything, Jeongyeon thinks it suits her perfectly; cold, cutting and to the point. A manufactured and obedient administration puppet. 

“And your medical history has not changed since your last mission? You haven’t had a change in medication or any kind of treatment at all?” Irene glances up quickly as her pen scribbles across the page.

“I sprained my ankle a few weeks back which I received non-surgical treatment for but I have since been given the all clear and nothing else has changed.” 

Irene nods and continues to ask a few more personal questions. Jeongyeon feels like the air has gotten incredibly stuffy all of a sudden. 

For three years she has neglected every single detail or memory of Jihyo and now that she’s listening to all the very facts of Jihyo’s life, Jeongyeon feels like she’s falling back into the 21 year old version of herself that wanted to throw up at the very mention of her name. 

“Jeongyeon?” Her head whips up.

“You ok there? You dazed out for a bit.” Irene asks. 

“Yeah sorry. The room is just a bit stuffy right?” She tries a lighthearted comment. 

“Hm. Not really. But are you ready to go on with the questions?” Jihyo’s head is turned in her direction and she hates the stroke of heat that she can feel beginning to arise on her cheeks. 

“Yep, go ahead.” Jeongyeon pulls her entangled hands up onto the table, as if to suggest she’s not nervous. She definitely is. 

“Please just confirm the following and can I remind you to do so verbally and clearly for the record?” 

Jeongyeon nods. 

“Your name is Yoo Jeongyeon. You’re 23 and a member of the diligence faction. Your emergency contacts are your sister and a ‘Minatozaki Sana’. Is that correct?” 

“Yes.” 

“Your last mission was a few months ago. Has anything changed in terms of your medical history since then? Apart from what’s being done with your anxiety and struggle with sleeping?” 

Her voice has grown a little quieter and from the corner of her eyes, Jeongyeon can see Jihyo processing the information she’s hearing. 

“I got stitches out from a large gash I had on my leg a few weeks ago, but apart from that no.” 

The woman in front of her nods. “Your therapist was replaced recently. Is that going ok?” Irene’s voice is soft. 

Jeongyeon responds with a simple “yes.” Even if it takes her a single second to say the word, her voice cracks a little. 

The way Jihyo stills makes her uneasy. What does she think happens to a person inside a loyalty reformation programme? Because no one leaves that place untouched by the trauma of it all and Jeongyeon assumed this was only obvious. 

She continues to ask Jeongyeon about the logistics of her life and recent missions and training and then proceeds to flick through Jeongyeon’s own folder. Sheets of redacted information fly into view and she suddenly worries about Jihyo seeing the blocks of blacked out text. 

Her skin itches to reach over the table and slam the folder shut but she refrains. 

Irene comes to a halt on a specific page. 

Neither of the girls can make out what the upside-down text states but Irene nods to herself slowly and gives Jeongyeon a wary glance nonetheless. 

“Jeongyeon… Please know that I am bound by contract and required to ask you this.” 

Jeongyeon can hear Jihyo nervously scratching the underside of the table. 

She knows what’s coming next. She didn’t need Irene to brace her for it, she just wishes Jihyo wasn’t in the same room to witness the agonising questioning she has to endure every time she is sat in this very conference room. 

Jeongyeon finds it quite frankly humiliating. 

Their now ‘mission co-coordinator’, runs her eyes down this particular sheet of paper and bullet pointed questions that are clipped into her folder. Irene begins to recite the list of questions assigned to Jeongyeon’s case.

“As a result of your previous dissidence and disloyalty to the faction, you were enrolled into a loyalty reformation programme. Are you aware that this was a second chance very kindly offered to you by the administration and that the faction could have easily dismissed your membership?” Her voice sounds robotic. 

Jeongyeon is almost thankful that Irene doesn’t sound as genuinely sincere about her ‘dissidence’ as others who have questioned her before. 

Jeongyeon knows that these questions are intended to remind her that she should be grateful for the second chance she received and that any deviance won’t be treated with such pity as it was before. 

It’s intended to scare her and as much as Jeongyeon wants to say that she is brave, courageous and lionhearted, just as a diligence member should be, it works. Jeongyeon is scared of being forced to leave the only life she knows simply because of something she cannot change about herself. 

Jeongyeon is terrified. 

And so as much as she wishes that she could fight for herself, she knows that once again, she has no choice. 

“I am aware.” Her voice shakes and suddenly Jeongyeon cannot comprehend how much she has changed. She is no longer the bright eyed agent who promised her best friend that they would face the world together. 

Now Jeongyeon is tired, shaken to the core and constantly wants to cower away from reality. And she was on her way to making a better life for herself until the girl beside her reappeared and turned her mind inside out all over again. 

She wrings her hands in her lap and taps her heels against the carpeted ground; a nervous tick. 

“Do you continue to live by the values learnt at the loyalty institute?” Jeongyeon thinks it’s so utterly stupid that they officially call it something that sounds so benign when in reality, the only thing behind the doors of that damned institute are insidious forces of repression and the ghosts of her trauma. 

“Yes. I learnt a great deal at the loyalty institute.” Jeongyeon doesn’t mean it. Of course she doesn’t. The only thing she learnt there was a life that, Jeongyeon sometimes thinks, isn’t worth living. 

“Do you pledge allegiance to the diligence faction?” 

She unleashes a shaky breath. “I do.” 

Jeongyeon has gotten a lot better at lying. 

Irene nods and sends yet another smile her way. Jeongyeon thinks she hears her whisper an apology. 

Again, she has felt Jihyo’s eyes on her throughout the entire interview and Jeongyeon really just needs her to stop. Because she can feel herself breaking and she doesn’t need Jihyo to see her like this. Not again. 

Irene proceeds to gather up the papers on the table. 

“We will need to meet again to discuss a few more things. I’ll be here to aid you through anything should you need my help so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. It is my job after all.” A sympathetic smile graces her face and she spares Jeongyeon one last glance. 

She bids them good luck and walks swiftly out of the conference room. Jeongyeon watches her go and as the head trainer begins to speak about their upcoming schedule, Jeongyeon wonders again who in this room cares for what she actually wants. 

Because it is most certainly not the girl sitting next to her. 

-

“So. Where are you headed now?” Jihyo asks Jeongyeon tentatively. 

Jihyo thinks it’s almost insane how different the Jeongyeon standing beside her now is to the Jeongyeon that had her hands possessively on her hips and head nudged into the crook of her neck the other night. 

They’re standing next to each other as they wait for the elevator to meet their floor. Jeongyeon ensures to put a notable distance between them. 

“I’m going to Sana’s place.” Jeongyeon mentally notes Sana’s earlier message of assurance in case the briefing went to shit. And now that it has very much gone to shit, there is no doubt in Jeongyeon’s mind that she absolutely cannot be alone tonight. 

Jihyo nods. She doesn’t expect Jeongyeon to ask her the same question back anyway. 

The elevator doors finally open and they both step into it silently. Jihyo thinks that if they’re going to be spending the next few months together, then they absolutely need to at least be able to hold some kind of a conversation together. 

So she starts with the one thing that has been plaguing her mind ever since they stepped out of that conference room. 

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Her voice is quiet. Jeongyeon has to do a double take in Jihyo’s direction just to check whether her mouth is actually moving or not. 

“...What?” 

“I said I’m sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that.” She’s looking directly at her now and her eyes flicker between Jeongyeon’s own as she desperately tries to find some semblance of the girl she once knew. 

Instead, she comes face to face with a look of pure rage and exasperation. 

“You’re… sorry what happened to me?” Jeongyeon says this slowly as if trying to figure out exactly what Jihyo is saying. 

The elevator now feels so incredibly small. This time, Jihyo is the one who feels like she can’t breathe and she pulls down her dress slightly, wanting to just hide away. She ignores the way Jeongyeon’s gaze follows her movement. 

“I’m sorry…” And Jihyo can’t get the words out. 

Jihyo is sorry that Jeongyeon came out of that programme a different person. Jihyo is sorry that she lost her best friend. And Jihyo is sorry that she doesn’t recognise the girl in front of her anymore. 

She’s taken too long to speak and suddenly the elevator doors open with a ping and Jeongyeon is stepping out without a word. 

Jihyo strolls out of the foyer in a daze and she watches as Jeongyeon makes a rapid move out of the car park. 

She doesn’t know what makes her spring her arm up and call out Jeongyeon’s name really, but she lets herself do it and Jeongyeon twists around in surprise. 

Jihyo walks a little quicker to catch up with her, putting a hand up to thank the car that lets her cross the road. 

“Are you walking home?” Jihyo sounds like she’s almost in disbelief. 

“Sana dropped me here today. I left my car at home. It will only take me like 20 minutes to get home so it’s whatever.” Jeongyeon shrugs and turns to walk away without a word.

But Jihyo catches her arm and the silver haired girl faces her again with eyes blown wide. She glances down at Jihyo’s firm clamp on her arm with a frown and Jihyo lets go of it with a shock, like she’s just touched a hot stove. 

Jihyo thinks it’s just as painful touching Jeongyeon like she’s a stranger anyway. 

She brushes down her dress impulsively and lets out a breath. “Um, my car is parked right there. Let me drop you home at least?” Her hand points behind her at the white mercedes parked a few metres away. 

Jeongyeon seems to contemplate it and Jihyo knows for certain that it might actually kill her to walk home in those heels. 

A few seconds of silence trapses into what seems like a year and then, Jeongyeon finally nods. 

She doesn’t say another word and it takes the younger girl a few seconds to realise that Jeongyeon is in fact accepting her offer before she turns around swiftly, leading them to her car. 

Once they’re both settled inside the car’s leather interior, Jihyo mimes ‘Sana’s place’ through the reflection of the mirror to her driver and he nods with understanding. 

Jihyo hates how odd it feels, sitting in absolute silence and in such close proximity to the girl who used to never shut up when they were together. She misses the way Jeongyeon’s laugh used to burst through the walls and the stupid little remarks she used to make just to ensure that she had Jihyo giggling too. 

Now Jeongyeon is simply staring out the window without a word. 

It terrifies Jihyo to no end. 

Throughout the last three years, whenever her mind would run randomly to the thought of Jeongyeon, there was always the possibility in the back of her head that maybe, just maybe, she would magically bump into Jeongyeon in the middle of a supermarket, a conversation would spark and they would be best friends again. 

Of course, she knew that this was only a little too optimistic but she always deluded back to this little fantasy whenever the inextricable fear of losing Jeongyeon forever struck her in the middle of the night. 

Regardless, Jihyo always hoped that one day Jeongyeon would be in her life again, even if it was only as a mere acquaintance or something of the sort. 

But now that Jeongyeon is making it so absolutely clear that she wants nothing to do with her, Jihyo finds it hard to breathe. It is so unbelievably suffocating. Because Jeongyeon can’t even stand to look at her. 

The car shifts onto the road with speed and a clack of the exhaust and Jihyo watches as Jeongyeon jolts slightly with fright. 

She can’t help but make sure the girl beside her is okay. 

“You alright?” 

Jeongyeon nods fast and weakly, maintaining her gaze out of the window. 

Jihyo figures that, if she is going to start a conversation with her, a light topic would be best and now, in a car where Jeongyeon cannot escape from the conversation unless she projects herself out of the door, would also be best. 

“You know I got the best sleep in your bed the other night.” And Jihyo immediately winces at the words that escape from her mouth. 

She mentally reprimands herself because seriously, what the hell is she doing? 

Bringing up the night where they both got so drunk that they were quite literally all over each other even after three years of radio silence is most certainly not the best conversation starter. 

Jeongyeon turns to her slowly and with confusion painting her expression. It would almost make her laugh, the way she turns to her with a look of absolute disbelief, if it wasn’t for the fact that Jihyo can feel her ears burning red hot already. 

She clears her throat and decides that she most certainly needs to do a little bit of editing to that statement. 

“I mean because it was so comfy. I haven’t bothered to get a new mattress since I first moved into my place so sleep is constantly escaping me to be honest.” Her hands fly nervously across the space between them as she tries to explain herself. 

She supposes that the exaggerated hand gestures still make her seem as guilty as ever though. 

Jeongyeon nods slowly, eyes wide. “Uh yeah. It’s new. I got recommended it because of its foam technology or something. I’ve been struggling with sleeping too but I haven’t really noticed an improvement because of it if I’m being honest.” 

Jihyo nods and thinks about how Jeongyeon used to be such a deep sleeper. She thinks about how she used to sleep through every single one of her alarm clocks until either Jihyo or Nayeon or Sana or any one of the girls barged through the door just to wake her up. 

Jihyo wonders how long she hasn’t been sleeping for. And she wonders what else about the girl has changed. 

“Ah I see. To be honest it’s time for me to get a new mattress anyway. What brand is yours then?” Jihyo tries to make the conversation as casual as possible but she hates the way it feels like she’s talking to a stranger; like she hasn’t known her for nearly all of her life. 

“I’ll text you the link to the website.” Jeongyeon responds cooly and slides her phone from out of her pocket. Jihyo discreetly watches as she opens her contacts and immediately notices that this time, Jeongyeon actually has her number saved. 

Her heart jumps a little, even if her name isn’t saved as the usual ‘Ji’ Jeongyeon had always insisted on saving it as. Jeongyeon’s message files through her notifications and she murmurs a small thanks. 

Soon, they fall into a monotonous conversation about the intricacies of mattress technology and Jihyo spends the whole 10 minute discussion admiring Jeongyeon’s hair, her earrings, the way the dips of her collar bones peak out from underneath her white buttoned shirt and her silky voice. 

Jihyo thinks she could listen to her talk and ramble on about anything and everything all day long. 

Silence falls upon them as Sana’s apartment complex comes into view. Jihyo’s thoughts race as she racks her brain on the most adequate ways in which to say goodbye to someone you never got the chance to say goodbye to in the first place. 

She comes up with nothing and simply watches as Jeongyeon moves to slide her phone back into her pocket. The car rumbles along the pavement with speed however and comes to a grinding stop, propelling her phone to the ground. 

Jihyo rushes to pick it up and subconsciously glances quickly at the notifications rushing across her screen, thinking that it’ll probably be Chaeyoung or Dahyun sending the older girl a script of ridiculous jokes. 

Instead, she realises that it’s Sana sending Jeongyeon a flurry of worried texts and it becomes clear that their friends are strikingly aware of their disastrous situation and subsequent mission pairing. 

Jeongyeon hastily takes the phone from her grasp and a meagre “sorry” falls from Jihyo’s mouth.

Jeongyeon opens the door in a rush and steps out the car. She turns and bends down slightly to level with Jihyo before walking away. 

“Don’t apologise if you don’t know what you’re apologising for, Jihyo.” Her name sounds like ice on Jeongyeon’s lips. 

Jihyo watches her leave and she thinks that at least this time, she expects her to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't gotten around to editing this properly yet but I hope you enjoyed.   
> I plan on updating at least once a week so I'll see you then!
> 
> @Fatedforce on twitter


	5. Trick It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their friendship was founded on breathy laughs, soft sighs and delicate touches and with the way Jeongyeon takes a last look at her, Jihyo isn’t sure there’s much difference even now.

Jihyo can’t sleep. Again. She never bothered taking Jeongyeon up on her mattress recommendation because really, she doesn’t need anymore reminders of her.

Her mind has been a scramble of thoughts since their first mission meeting, since she last spoke to Jeongyeon, and Jihyo truthfully wonders how she is going to pass the pre-mission medical examination with the toll stress is taking on her body already. 

She reaches for her phone on the bedside table and shoots Nayeon a text letting her know she’s coming over and will probably be standing in the middle of her apartment in 20 minutes, and then moves to throw on a hoodie and a pair of trainers. 

A sigh escapes her and she decides that the walk to Nayeon’s apartment will do her good; she needs the fresh air. 

So she pulls the hood over her head, doesn’t bother waiting for Nayeon’s reply and strides into the rain as she exits the apartment complex. 

Maybe she underestimated how heavy it was raining though because ten minutes into the walk, her clothes are soaked through and her grey hoodie is now a charcoal colour, water dripping from her sleeves and her shoes essentially turning into puddles around her feet. 

Her schedule is busy tomorrow. She has to attend training and Jihyo knows that the morning is going to dawn on her like cold water. Still, she finds herself walking into a desolate convenience store in the middle of the night, bags under eyes and clothes basically becoming a wet-suit on her. 

The lights of the shop are blinding compared to the black night sky outside and it takes Jihyo a second to adjust her sight. 

She strolls over to the sweet confectionery section and picks up her usual late night selection before making her way over to the till to pay. 

Then she notices the usual rare pair of sneakers, dark clothing and strike of silver hair standing in the two person queue in front of her. 

Jihyo thinks she absolutely has the worst luck because really, what kind of sick coincidence is this?

She’s tempted to run away, especially as thoughts of their last encounter race through her mind but Jihyo really just wants to pay for her food and rush back to Nayeon’s to catch whatever little sleep she can. 

So she stands in the queue behind Jeongyeon, pretends she doesn’t notice her and tightens her hood around her equally vibrant pink hair. 

Jihyo supposes destiny really has something against her though with the amount of times they’ve run into each other in the past two weeks. And now, with Jeongyeon’s figure aiming 90 degrees around to glance out of the window and realising that there is someone standing behind her. 

Jihyo watches in slow motion as Jeongyeon tilts her head around nonchalantly to check that the person behind her isn’t a threat or potential kidnapper. Then she does a double take as she realises that the person behind her is in fact Jihyo. 

The worker behind the till calls out for the next customer and Jeongyeon’s attention is snatched away from her. Jeongyeon places her refrigerated coffee and energy drinks on the counter and then turns to Jihyo. Her hand is drawn out in front of her and Jihyo frowns in confusion at it. 

“Your sweets.” Jeongyeon draws her fingers in a motion signalling for Jihyo to hand her over the food. She shakes her head suddenly, realising what Jeongyeon is suggesting. 

“No it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Jihyo offers her as best of a smile as she can. 

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes, and Jihyo can’t tell if it’s serious or playful but the next thing she knows, Jeongyeon is taking the sweets out of her hold herself, and placing Jihyo’s selection on the counter to pay for. 

Jihyo feels like the air is knocked out of her at the sudden change in behaviour and she thinks she might genuinely go insane the next time she witnesses it. 

Jeongyeon is handing over the money to pay for both hers and Jihyo’s food and drink and then she’s pocketing the change and turning back around. 

“Are you gonna stand there looking like a sim or what? Like do I need to give you an order?” Jeogyeon’s serious face teeters a little into a lopsided smile and Jihyo honestly questions whether she has unknowingly been transported back three years into the past.

Jihyo shakes herself out of her trance and takes her sweets from Jeongyeon’s hold. 

She walks out of the store swiftly and Jihyo follows, unsure if Jeongyeon has anything else to say. Because Jihyo is desperate to hear something else out of her mouth other than a replay of the last words she said to her back in the car the other day.

The air hits her like a wall of ice and Jihyo moves to curl her sleeves over her hands only to discover that yes, her clothes are still dripping wet. She shivers uncontrollably and a shaky breath almost heaves out of her mouth at the realisation that the rain is still falling. 

Jeongyeon pulls out her umbrella, motioning for Jihyo to stand under it and she complies. Her shoulder brushes against Jeongyeon’s puffy jacket and it takes everything within her not to jump at the contact. 

“What are you doing out in the pouring rain at this time?” Jeongyeon’s voice is dripping with concern and Jihyo feels the atmosphere shift around them. The thought of Jeongyeon still worrying about her lodges itself underneath her ribs, making it hard to breath. 

“I’m on my way to Nayeon’s place.” She misses out the part of the story where she couldn’t sleep; hasn’t been able to for days. Of course Jeongyeon can probably tell anyway. She has always been able to read her like an open book and if the bags under her eyes aren’t enough of a hint, her admission the other night that Jeongyeon’s mattress offered her the only bit of sleep she has gotten in weeks will certainly be the nail in the coffin. 

“And you couldn’t drive there?” The umbrella sits inches above her head as Jeongyeon, towering over her, holds it and Jihyo just wants to shrivel up as she finally takes a glance up at the girl. 

“I needed to clear my head. I thought a walk would do me good but I didn’t even realise it was raining this hard.” The wind rings in her ears and she almost feels the need to raise her voice a little. But Jeongyeon hears her loud and clear and a sigh emanates from the older girl like a punch to the air. It’s frustrated and worried and now Jihyo can’t bring herself to look at her. It’s too much all at once. 

“Here. Take this.” Jeongyeon motions her hand for Jihyo to take the umbrella. 

“Oh no I can’t! You’ll get soaked on your way home-” 

“I have a coat which just so happens to be waterproof. Pretty useful right?” Her voice is saturated with sarcasm. “I’ll survive. Plus, I’m only going to Sana’s place so it’s not as far of a walk.” 

For a second, Jihyo thinks Jeongyeon hasn’t changed at all really. They don’t talk anymore and maybe her outlook on life isn’t the same, but the last two weeks have made Jihyo think that Jeongyeon is still the same girl who dances without a care in the world and looks out for everyone but herself. 

Jeongyeon is still the same person who puts everyone else first and it scares Jihyo to think that this is really the same Jeongyeon standing in front of her, yet now, she can’t bare to be in Jihyo’s presence for longer than needed.

Jeongyeon distractedly wipes the droplet of rain running down her nose and Jihyo takes the umbrella from her hand, ignores the way her heart beats out of her chest when their fingers touch. It lowers a few inches and Jeongyeon has to crouch down a little bit in order to stay under it. 

Jihyo feels like she’s being slapped back and forth in the face every time she meets her, because either Jeongyeon is glaring at her like she’s just removed everything worthy from her life or she’s talking to her like they’re 19 again. 

Jihyo is so goddamn confused. 

“What are you doing out at this time then?” Jihyo sniffs as she says this, feeling the cold creep down her throat and wrapping around her vocal cords. She has a feeling she’ll probably be waking up with a cough and a sore throat tomorrow. 

“Ah. Not much. Just the usual 3AM convenience store rounds.” Jeongyeon sends her a playful smile and Jihyo’s demeanor softens. 

A silence envelopes them as the rain hits the umbrella and everything seems so peaceful. Jihyo honestly wouldn’t mind standing here like this for a while; even if she looks like she’s about to freeze to death. 

“Truthfully..?” Jeongyeon’s voice cracks the silence open and Jihyo whips her head back around to watch her side profile. Jeongyeon reaches into her pocket and takes a cigarette packet out, tearing away the plastic film around it and delicately placing one between her lips. 

Jihyo says nothing. 

“All the things that have me exhausted, are the things that have me lying wide awake at night too.” Jeongyeon is quiet and Jihyo’s breathing almost overbears the sound of her voice. 

Jihyo watches her light the cigarette and take a drag. 

Jeongyeon only ever casually smoked at parties, so watching the older girl take out a packet of cigarettes by herself in the dead of night stirs something in the pit of Jihyo’s stomach. And Jihyo is left to wonder why one of the occasions in which Jeongyeon smokes is when she’s the one standing next to her. 

A car rushes by and they both watch as it chases the road, towards the inner city. 

“Excited to start training then I’m guessing?” Jihyo can be sarcastic too, even if her heart is in her throat and she’s scared that whatever her next sentence is will scare Jeongyeon away. 

Jeongyeon snorts and shoves her hands in her pockets, turning a little more in Jihyo’s direction. “Absolutely ecstatic. It’s so freeing to lose all control over my life for a few months.” 

Jihyo expected her to return the sarcasm, but she’d be lying if she said that Jeongyeon’s last comment doesn’t jolt her in surprise a little. Jeongyeon used to always be willing to follow orders, for the good of the faction. Because they hadn’t known any different and the people of the diligence faction needed them. 

But something else stirs under Jeongyeon’s sarcasm and Jihyo almost asks why she thinks differently now. She almost asks why Jeongyeon was placed in the loyalty reformation programme and the question nearly falls off the tip of her tongue. 

But Jeongyeon is looking at her now with unsure eyes, like she’s said too much and Jihyo knows that she’s been caught thinking too long. Asking those questions would be teetering into territory they’re not ready to confront. 

“What?” Jeongyeon nods her head upwards as if to pry the words out of Jihyo and the umbrella catches in her hair. 

Jihyo reaches up to Jeongyeon’s head, untangles the strands that have been caught in the metal umbrella pegs and strokes the messy hair in order to neaten it a little. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t take her eyes off her and Jihyo tries so hard to stop her fingers from shaking nervously. She drops her hand by her side, pulling her fingers into a fist as if touching Jeongyeon has burnt into her skin and left a mark for all to see. 

Jihyo realises how easy it is to fall back into routine with Jeongyeon; like they’re nineteen again and Jeongyeon’s hair is ruffled from Jihyo playfully pinning her to the training mat. 

Jihyo looks away and tries to pretend that she doesn’t feel Jeongyeon’s eyes on her face. 

Jihyo scrunches her nose when the wind takes the smoke in her direction, and Jeongyeon notices, glancing at her cigarette in contemplation. 

“What about you then? Excited to go on another mission?” Jeongyeon doesn’t sound half interested in Jihyo’s answer, instead turning away to take another drag of her cigarette. 

“I suppose. It’s a nice feeling knowing I’m doing something good for the faction. I’m just tired I guess.”

Jeongyeon sniffs, wipes her nose with her hand lightly and then turns fully underneath the umbrella to properly face Jihyo. 

Her face is inches away from hers and all Jihyo can smell is the smoke, freshly bought packet of strawberry gum and rounds of coffee on her breath from the hours prior. Jihyo’s gaze falls on to her nose, her cheeks, her eyes and her mouth. 

Jeongyeon licks her lips, dry from the cigarette. Jihyo knows Jeongyeon can feel her watch the action. 

“And how do you know that what you’re doing is for a good cause?” Jihyo’s eyes flicker between Jeongyeon’s now. Any remnants of a smile or a smirk have been wiped off her face, and Jihyo always hated this look on her. It reminds her of their intense trainee days when Jihyo had to send her a wink across the gymnasium just to pry a smile out of her. 

“Because our people are safe. That’s the point. We’re trained and placed on missions to help the diligence faction keep our citizens safe. There hasn’t been an official act of war between the factions in 20 years. That’s how I know.” Jihyo knows she sounds defensive. 

Jeongyeon looks disappointed. Jihyo hates disappointing her. 

Jeongyeon laughs coldly. “Right. Yeah, of course.” Jihyo watches her swallow thickly and she’s almost desperate for the older girl to say something else. Anything else. 

But Jeongyeon doesn’t look like she’s going to continue the conversation, so Jihyo does. “And how do you know? That what you’re doing is for a good cause?” 

“I don’t.”

Jihyo notes another thing that hasn’t changed about Jeongyeon. She’s always been sure of herself. 

There’s another bout of silence as they both turn away from each other, facing the road instead.

All Jihyo can smell is the smoke and she has half a mind to snatch the cigarette from Jeongyeon’s hand and throw it out onto the road. 

Of course she doesn’t do that though; not when she turns back and Jeongyeon is looking directly at her, like she knows her; cigarette burning between her lips. 

Jeongyeon must read the grimace on her face because half a second later she’s throwing it out onto the pavement herself, standing on it to put out the smoke. She blows out the last of the smoky drag and Jihyo watches as the rain drops caress the older girl’s jaw, crawling down her neck. 

The wind blows again and this time Jihyo’s hair scatters across her face. Jeongyeon reaches out, tucks the loose strands behind Jihyo’s ears slowly and takes a long look, analysing her expression. Jihyo feels like the wind has been knocked out of her yet again; thinks that she recognises the girl in front of her. 

Then Jeongyeon is tucking one last strand of Jihyo’s hair away, and turning back. Jihyo stands stock still for a while, watching as the older girl shoves her hands back into her pockets, glances up and down the quiet road and licks away the single raindrop dancing along her lips. 

“I’m surprised Nayeon is awake at this time to be honest. She sleeps like a rock.” Jeongyeon is the one to break the silence now and Jihyo clears her throat before responding. 

“She’s not. Well I don’t know if she is or not. I just sent her a text and decided to go over to her place without a reply.” Jihyo looks away before she can witness Jeongyeon take another real look at her. 

“Why aren’t you sleeping well?” 

Jihyo tenses her jaw at the question. “Mission stress.” She shrugs. She lies. 

Jeongyeon nods and turns back to look out onto the road. “If mission stress was the only thing keeping me up at night, I’d be grateful.” 

Jihyo’s skin itches with irritation. “Well it’s mission stress… among other things.” 

If Jeongyeon can waltz back into her life without a single word other than invasive questions and ridiculing smirks, then Jihyo can do the same. 

“And why aren’t you sleeping? If it’s not stress over training and missions?” 

Jeongyeon chuckles ominously and wipes her thumb against the corner of her mouth, running the rain drops away from her skin. She ignores the question and bites her lip. Jihyo’s gaze follows the action again.

Her foot kicks and draws against the gravel underneath them and Jihyo can tell this is a nervous tick. She decides that maybe this wasn’t the best approach and opts for a more casual question. 

“Did Nayeon give you back the shirt? I gave it to her yesterday.” She knows Jeongyeon received the shirt. Nayeon told her so. 

“Yeah, thanks.”

Jihyo figures this is the end of the conversation. There’s not much more to say really and it pains her to think that the silence between them is now awkward rather than comfortable. 

“Okay well I best get going.” Her voice is strained and dry. 

Jeongyeon nods and steps out from underneath the umbrella. 

Jihyo decides to speak again, because Jeongyeon has apparently lost all drive to converse. 

“Thanks for the umbrella, Jeongyeon.” Her name grits against her tongue like salt; bitter and sharp. And Jeongyeon finally meets Jihyo’s eyes. God it feels like decades since she’s said her name. 

Jeongyeon merely nods and sends her a soft smile instead. She turns around and begins to walk away. 

Jihyo hates watching her leave now, so she too turns away before she can watch her go. 

“Jihyo.” Her heart stops for a second. “Text me when you get home.” Her voice is gentle now. 

Jeongyeon feels like a different person, but she really hasn’t changed all that much. 

Jihyo nods. “Let me know when you’re safe as well.” 

Not another word is said and the rain only gets heavier. 

-

Nayeon is tapping her foot against the floor, arms crossed and pyjamas ruffled when Jihyo finally walks through the door of Nayeon’s apartment.

“Why are you looking like my mother when 17 year old me would sneak back into the house?” Her joke falls on deaf ears because Nayeon snorts and picks her glass of water back up from the kitchen counter, taking a sip as she stares at Jihyo. 

“Sorry, I’m just nervous about tomorrow. I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Guilt ruptures in the pit of her stomach. 

Nayeon sighs, and places the glass back down on the counter. 

“Jihyo, you know I absolutely don’t mind you coming over when you need to. You have a spare key for a reason. What I do mind, is you not talking to us about what’s really going on up there” Nayeon points to her head, “and in here.” Nayeon then points to her heart. 

Jihyo rolls her eyes comically. “That was so inspirational. When should I make my counselling appointment with you?” 

“It’s not funny Jihyo. You’re walking the streets in the middle of the night in the pouring rain because you can’t sleep anymore. Do you really expect me not to worry about you?” Nayeon’s voice is frustrated and icy and Jihyo is slightly taken aback by it. 

Nayeon moves over to the living room and sits stiffly into the corner of one of the sofas, legs tucked underneath herself and gazing out of the window, into the city. 

Jihyo follows and Nayeon sighs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just constantly worried about you Jihyo. We’re all worried about you.” 

“Worried about what?” Jihyo sits across from her onto one of the recliner sofas, her feet planted firmly on the ground. 

Nayeon eyes her warily before pointing lazily to Jihyo’s hip. “I saw it last week. Your tattoo.” 

Jihyo’s eyes widen in surprise. Of course she had thought Nayeon had seen it, but she didn’t think that she would actually bring it up. 

Jihyo subconsciously brings a hand to apply pressure over her tattoo and slowly directs a glance back up. 

“I-” 

Nayeon interrupts her. “Jihyo you’re soaking, let me get you something to change into.” 

And Nayeon is dragging her up off the sofa by her arm, directing her to her bedroom where she throws spare clothes at her. But Jihyo is shivering and her fingers have grown stiff with the cold, numb to the feeling. 

Nayeon shakes her head with a sigh. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself Jihyo. I know it’s hard but you have to think of something other than her.” She reaches over to the younger girl’s figure and helps pull the drenched fabric over her head. 

She gently tugs at Jihyo’s hair, stuck in the creases of her wet hoodie and then throws it onto the ground.

Jihyo instinctively covers her tattoo with a shy hand but Nayeon peels it away. 

The diligence faction tattoo crawls up her waist with dark and ominous spirals and Jihyo feels the breath lodge in her throat as she watches Nayeon’s face fall. 

Nayeon’s fingers dance over the patterns and Jihyo doesn’t even notice the tears falling down her face until they’re being wiped away by the body in front of her. 

“God I know it looks horrific Nay, can we please leave it?” Her voice is desperate. 

Nayeon says nothing and it’s so unusual watching the girl in front of her stand speechless. It quite frankly scares the life out of her. 

“What?” Jihyo’s words are muffled as she finally pulls a dry shirt over her head. 

“Nothing. It just looks familiar.” Nayeon is so quiet Jihyo isn’t sure she’s actually spoken. 

“What are you talking about?” Jihyo racks her head for an explanation. 

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.” And it’s hard not to notice the way Nayeon’s eyes have been blown wide with surprise. 

“It was on my 20th birthday. That was when my tattoo changed. I know you wanted to ask.” 

She nods in understanding.

“Forget about all the potential meanings behind it Jihyo, you’re the most genuine person I know; brave and gentle. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide it. It’s beautiful.”

Nayeon pulls her in for a hug and Jihyo feels the events of the past hour collapse onto her shoulders. 

Jihyo knows Nayeon is sugar coating the truth for her. Because there is absolutely no way the tattoo on her waist is not in any way linked to Jeongyeon’s departure. 

“I’m so confused.” Jihyo’s tears drench Nayeon’s shirt and she murmurs a questioning hum in response. 

“Jeongyeon. Everytime I see her it’s like she’s a different person. One minute she’s acting like nothing has changed and the next she’s looking at me like she hates every cell in my body.” Jihyo takes an intake of breath, tugging against her lungs. 

Nayeon rubs a hand down her back to soothe her. “I shouldn’t be telling you this but between you and me, I think Jeongyeon is just as confused. She hasn’t seen you in three years. She’s supposed to hate you, sees whatever reason for her distance whenever she looks at you. But you’ve been in each other’s lives forever and she can’t just erase that.” 

Jihyo takes her head off of Nayeon’s shoulder, wiping her running nose and banishing the tears from under her eyes. 

“It’s hard for her not to look at you and see the same Jihyo she relied on for most of her life.” 

Nayeon wipes her tears away and offers a small smile. 

“I should sleep, I have training in a few hours.”

She doesn’t say another word as she lets Jihyo crawl under her covers and fall asleep within the minute. 

Nayeon doesn’t mention Jihyo’s phone on the bedside table, lit up with a text from Jeongyeon. 

‘I’m home. Pls text me when ur safe’.

She opens up the notification, re-reads the text and then pulls up the keyboard. ‘I’m home’ she texts back. She throws Jihyo's clothes into washing basket and places the black umbrella by the door, 'Yoo Jeongyeon' scribbled on to the handle. 

Nayeon won’t mention it in the morning, even if her mind is teaming with questions. 

-

Jihyo walks through the doors of the training centre the next morning in a rush. She passes a flurry of trainees and fellow agents and she guesses that the first classes of the day have started; which also means she’s either on time or late. 

She figures that climbing the stairs will be faster than waiting for the elevator and strides up two steps at a time. 

Soon, she’s outside the private room that their trainer had booked this morning and she can already see, through the glass window, Jeongyeon standing in the middle of the floor. She has her phone in hand, fingers flying across the screen as she texts and geared up with her training uniform on. 

Jihyo takes a breath and tugs the handle down, waltzing into the room with a careful smile. 

“Hey.” Jihyo waits for her response, bracing herself for whatever version of Jeongyeon she’ll be on the receiving end of today. 

Jeongyeon lifts her head, smiles and puts her phone back down on the bench. “Hey. I didn’t think you’d be on time considering how late you were up last night.” 

Jihyo offers a friendly chuckle. “Well here I am. Nayeon woke me up with her disastrous cooking so...” 

“Yeah that sounds about right.” And the conversation feels easy, like Jihyo can finally breathe. 

Then Jeongyeon is moving towards her confidently, tucking her silver hair behind her ear. “Can’t wait to get this show on the road huh?” She puts her hair up, tying it back with the hairband on her wrist and Jihyo eyes the small scar running down her neck. 

The peace is disturbed by the door flying open. The nameless head trainer storms in, frown forever printed on her face and Jeongyeon immediately tenses up. Jihyo can see it in the way her shoulders straighten and hands file behind her back.

“Right we have a lot to do.” Her shrivelled old voice even racks Jihyo’s nerves. 

Soon, Jihyo has Jeongyeon pinned against the training mat again; her hair falling down into Jeongyeon’s face. 

“Jeongyeon, why are you not putting any effort into this at all? Seriously.” Jeongyeon is being reprimanded again and Jihyo thinks Jeongyeon just doesn’t want to hurt her. 

Jeongyeon huffs, her breath hitting Jihyo’s face. 

Jihyo pushes against the floor, standing to her feet and Jeongyeon does the same, shaking her hands in preparation for their next match. 

“I can’t report back to the mission co-ordinator with good things if you don’t try, Yoo.” Her shrivelled voice comes again. 

Jihyo watches the irritation flash across Jeongyeon’s face, watches it settle in the base of her neck, the tips of her fingers and in the twitch of the corner of her mouth. 

Then Jeongyeon is jabbing at her side, filing a foot behind her leg in an attempt to trip Jihyo up. And it works because it catches her by surprise. Her back hits the floor in a second, the wind struck out of her, and Jihyo’s hands grapple onto Jeongyeon’s waist in an attempt to bring her down with her. 

Jeongyeon lands on top of her and they’re chests heave against each other, out of breath. 

Jihyo jabs a knee into her abdomen and she can hear Jeongyeon take a sharp intake of breath, her mouth next to her ear, in an attempt to subdue the pain. 

They struggle for a few seconds, grasping at each other’s skin, clawing at the parts of each other they wouldn’t dare to touch outside of the training centre. Jihyo feels the years of distance, anger, pain and hurt collapse and erupt again in the space between them.

If it wasn’t for the fact that Jeongyeon’s hands move to shift Jihyo’s arms up into a paralysing stance, her mind would be racing with the realisation that after not catching a single glimpse of her for years, Jeongyeon is currently on top of her. And she’s incredibly close, groaning distracting breaths into her ear. 

Jihyo lets her pull her arms up and then swings her legs over Jeongyeon’s shoulders, pushing the girl back down. Jeongyeon overpowers her though, digs her fingers into her thighs and pulls her legs back down onto the floor with a dull thud. She moves to straddle Jihyo and pins her arms against the mat above her head again. 

Jihyo wonders where this power came from. Because in the last 15 matches, Jeongyeon has let Jihyo pin her to the ground, albeit with a struggle.

Jihyo looks up at the girl hovering above her, eyes wide and lips parted. And she doesn’t bother trying to regain the win because she knows that this is what Jeongyeon is really capable of. This is the same Jeongyeon whose name made a home for itself at the top of the agency leader-boards prior to her year long disappearance.

Jeongyeon’s hands remain wrapped around her wrists, fingers pressing into her skin. Jihyo knows it’s going to bruise but she doesn’t mind all that much. Not when it’s Jeongyeon. 

Then she hears the scratches of the head trainer’s pen against the paper on her clipboard, and Jihyo knows Jeongyeon has done what she’s needed to do today. Jeongyeon blinks, gaze flicking between Jihyo’s eyes and then she’s letting go of her wrists and sitting up with a start. 

“That was good use of technique at the end there Jeongyeon. We’ll have to work on your consistency though.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t seem to be listening too intently to their superiors advice, instead watching as Jihyo sits up cautiously. 

“Are you hurt? Sorry I didn’t mean-” 

Jihyo interrupts Jeongyeon, the ever gentle being. “No. I’m okay.” And Jihyo moves a hand to caress Jeongyeon’s thigh soothingly; it’s simply instinctual and a habit Jihyo thinks she’ll never be able to shake around Jeongyeon.

Jeongyeon then startleingly realises that she’s still straddling her, and moves to stand up. It shakes Jihyo and she too notices that they’re 23 now, not 19, and Jeongyeon isn’t looking at her anymore. 

Jeonyeon doesn’t leave a hand out for Jihyo to take. So she pushes herself up from the ground and stands with shaky legs. 

Their superior later excuses herself, claiming she has a myriad of meetings to attend to and leaves the two girls alone in the room at the end of the day. 

It’s silent again, except for their heavy breathing echoing against the white walls. 

Jeongyeon takes her hair out from her hairband, and Jihyo watches it fall back down her neck, sticking to the beads of sweat. 

She really tries to be subtle about it, but Jeongyeon is too pretty and also incredibly observant. 

“For one of the faction’s best agents, you’re not exactly stealthy.” Jihyo knows Jeongyeon has caught her stealing glances at her. Her tone is teasing however, and she relaxes against the cold wall. 

“And I could say the same to you” she replies as Jeongyeon’s eyes traipse down her face. 

Jeongyeon wipes the sweat off her skin with her towel. 

“It’s just strange seeing you in person now.” 

Jihyo is stunned by her honesty. 

“Yeah. It is.” 

They share a look and in spite of their empty conversations these past few days, there’s suddenly so much Jihyo has to say to the girl in front of her. She wants to tell her that she misses her so much; to the point where it physically hurts to think about her. And that the thing that keeps her awake at night isn’t mission stress, it’s the endless thoughts of the 15 years they shared together without a goodbye at the end of it. 

Jihyo wants to tell her that she’s always been terrified that the very world they fight for would eventually divide them. And when it finally did just that, she never quite forgave the world. She often wonders if she’ll ever forgive Jeongyeon for letting it happen. 

She wants Jeongyeon to know that no matter how this all ends, she has made a home for herself in Jihyo’s head for the rest of her life. And really it’s the most tragic thing. 

Jihyo knows Jeongyeon doesn’t consider it a good thing, that they’re seeing each other in person often now. But Jihyo doesn’t mind, even if it’s Jeongyeon’s hands wrapping a bruising hold around her wrists or fingers digging into her thighs in the middle of a training session. 

Jihyo swallows thickly. 

“Well we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other the next few months.” She recognises it in Jeongyeon’s voice: acceptance of their unwanted circumstances. 

Jihyo nods, thinks they’re on the verge of exchanging apologies and explanations but Jeongyeon is looking at her again. This time she’s staring at her like she has a lot less and a lot more to say than a simple sorry. 

Jihyo braces herself for it. 

“Listen, things are never going to go back to the way things were. You know that” Jihyo didn’t know that, “but if we are officially partners on this mission, then it’s best that we’re actually civil. Don’t you think?” Jeongyeon’s head is tilted expectantly as she waits for Jihyo's response. 

Jihyo is irked by the fact that Jeongyeon is still as oblivious as ever. She wants to shake her shoulders and ask her why she doesn’t realise that she’s hurting her and has been since the day she left and didn’t bother saying hello when she returned. 

For a split second, Jihyo questions if Jeongyeon knows she’s hurting her but does it anyway. 

“Right. Yeah, we need to get along for this to work.” And Jihyo wonders when they started verbally acknowledging the three years worth of distance between them. 

“Okay so let’s start from the beginning. It’s a pleasure to work with you.” Jeongyeon’s voice sounds so un-Jeongyeon and the hand she puts out for her to shake is such an un-Jeongyeon thing to do as well. 

Jihyo supposes that this is how Jeongyeon deals with the tension between them, by throwing 15 years of broken friendship to the wind and starting anew. Jihyo ultimately won’t be able to do the same, pretend that they haven’t known each other all their lives; but she goes along with the gesture anyway. 

She shakes her hand and feels the same spark she felt last week when Jeongyeon had interlaced their fingers together in the middle of Nayeon’s party. It rolls up her arm and hides in her heart. 

Then they’re looking at each other for too long, and Jihyo thinks she can see it in Jeongyeon’s eyes; the realisation that she won’t be able to pretend like this either. But they both smile, squeeze each other’s hand and then drop the hold as quick as it was there. 

They both turn back to their bags, sitting lonely on the bench and zip them up, ready to depart for the evening. Their eyes droop. 10 hours of training will do that to you and Jihyo doesn’t think she has any more mental capacity to have conversation with Jeongyeon. 

Still, they walk side by side down into the foyer. The silence is surprisingly more comfortable than awkward. 

“You heading home then?” Jeongyeon has halted outside the centre entrance, the chill of the evening air greeting them. They pretend like they’ve just met, and they pretend that there isn’t a valley of pain swelling underneath their conversation. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry I’m not planning on wandering the streets in the middle of the night this time.” Jihyo breaks into a chuckle and a sad smile is etched onto Jeongyeon’s face. 

“Good. Because I won’t be in the convenience store with an umbrella to hand this time.” Soft laughs fill the air and the moment is so delicate. 

There’s a tragic kind of sorrow behind Jeongyeon’s smile and Jihyo knows that it’s because even if Jeongyeon hates her, it’s impossible not to miss her. She knows this because it’s easier to love Jeongyeon than to hate her and Jihyo has become so painfully aware of this.

She wonders how long it will be until this routine of pretending they don’t really know each other will come crumbling down.

Jihyo wonders what Jeongyeon’s tattoo looks like and she wonders if Nayeon has seen it. 

“Well I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to get up at 6AM again tomorrow.” 

Jeongyeon hums in agreement, sarcastic. 

“Oh absolutely. It’s my favourite part of the day.”

It’s been so hard to breathe around Jeongyeon, but standing here with the sky pink, her silver hair dancing through the breeze and her eyes on Jihyo, again, she can finally let out a sigh of relief. 

It’s not the same, but it will do for now. 

Jihyo hates watching Jeongyeon leave now so she makes a point of being the first to say goodbye this time. “Ok well I’ll see you tomorrow then.” 

“See you, Jihyo.” Her name doesn’t sound like ice on her tongue like it did when she was talking from the car door the other day. This time it sounds like honey dripping from her lips and it feels warm and fuzzy. 

Jihyo turns away before Jeongyeon. 

Their friendship was founded on breathy laughs, soft sighs and delicate touches and with the way Jeongyeon takes a last look at her, Jihyo isn’t sure there’s much difference even now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment and a kudos if you did and I'll see you at chapter 6!! Also I moved on to FS album for chapter title inspiration so we absolutely love to see trick it as this chapter's title, it deserved to be promoted :D
> 
> @Fatedforce on Twitter


	6. Love Foolish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes Jihyo 18 minutes to fall asleep, and 18 years to learn that Jeongyeon is one hell of a heartbreaker.

Jeongyeon is damn good at pretending. 

Jihyo wonders exactly _how_ Jeongyeon acts like she’s okay around her when a few weeks ago she couldn’t even bare to look at her. She has stuck to her promises of pretending like they haven’t known each other for years, offering Jihyo friendly smiles and surface level conversations required for mere acquaintances only. And it always makes Jihyo want to lash out and scream at her for an explanation. 

But she knows doing anything to jeopardise this little pretending game they have going on, will make the mission a whole lot harder. So jihyo pretends too, even if it kills her.

It’s been 4 weeks and 3 days since they talked to each other for the first time at Nayeon’s party and it’s also been 4 weeks and 3 days since Jihyo has last had a peaceful sleep.

“Shall we go one more time?” Jeongyeon’s voice fills the room as she moves back onto the sparring mat. 

Jihyo nods, wordless and flings her towel back down onto the bench. 

She draws her hair away from her face, allows a minute to compose herself and throws a punch into Jeongyeon’s shoulder. She stumbles back, a groan erupting from her mouth. 

Then she’s stepping forward with purpose and making jabs at her shoulder, her stomach and her neck. But Jihyo blocks every attempt and moves to grab Jeongyeon’s hand in a blistering hold. 

“Predictable.” The word slips from her lips without a thought and Jeongyeon’s expression morphs into something Jihyo hasn’t seen on her face in a while. 

Jeongyeon pulls away with speed, and launches herself at Jihyo, pushing her across the room until her back is slammed against the wall with a soft echo. 

Jeongyeon pins her arms across her body, pressing into Jihyo’s as she entraps her against the wall. “What did you say?” The voice sounds nothing like Jeongyeon and it jolts her with anxiety.

“You always do that move. I said it was predictable.” Jihyo can feel it protruding beneath them; the years of distrust, pain and confusion. 

For a second, she’s scared that she’s ruined this routine they have. She thinks that maybe Jeongyeon will say something in rebuttal that will tear open the truth. 

Jihyo watches Jeongyeon’s neck move as she swallows; watches as her eyes roll mockingly.

“It’s only predictable because I’ve used that move to floor you a hundred times already.” Humour seeps through her tone. Jihyo begins to think that she'll end up developing whiplash with the way Jeongyeon keeps changing up on her. 

“So try something different on me then.” 

Uncertainty dances across her face, settles in the way she tilts her head at Jihyo’s words and Jihyo observes as Jeongyeon finally chooses to pull back, irritation dissipating from her expression. 

Her eyes linger a little longer on her face and Jihyo thinks it’s probably clear as day how little sleep she’s been getting. 

Then Jeongyeon’s arms drop to her sides and she’s walking back to her bag to tidy her things away without another word. 

So yes - Jeongyeon has gotten very good at acting like nothing is wrong between them and Jihyo takes a breath because she really isn’t sure what the hell that was.

“Will you be alone tonight?” Jeongyeon’s voice is distracted, almost like she doesn’t care for the answer. 

“What?” 

“I usually have a movie night every week and all the girls will be there. You can come if you want?” 

Jihyo doesn’t want her pity. “It’s ok. I should probably rest.” 

“You’re not sleeping . You might as well come over?” Jeongyeon is looking directly at her now with almost pleading eyes. 

Jihyo sighs. She’ll always give into Jeongyeon anyway. “Okay. Text me the time and address then?” 

Jeongyeon is sighing in relief, sending her a content smile and Jihyo wonders how Jeongyeon went from pinning her against the wall to looking at her like _that_. 

“You’ve already been to my place, I’m sure you could find your way there?” She’s smirking at her; teasing her for the time she had woken up hungover in her bed and Jihyo wants to hide her head in her hands. 

“Very funny. Just text me the address will you?” 

“Of course Ji.” The nickname spills from her lips and it’s soft, endearing and delicate and it’s also electric, buzzing and golden; because she hasn’t heard that name in Jeongyeon’s voice in years. 

It echoes in her chest in a way different from all the times Jeongyeon simply called her ‘Jihyo’ with a voice so stilted and reserved. 

Jeongyeon very quickly realises what she’s said and her eyes widen. 

It’s silly really; the both of them getting worked up over a nickname. But it represents a time gone by that they can’t have back and it’s so incredibly dangerous. 

Jihyo knows that the fallout is coming; can feel it in the way Jeongyeon looks at her longer than usual with eyes much softer than when they first saw each other. 

It’s almost like they’re lulling each other into a false sense of security and Jihyo sometimes forgets that Jeongyeon hates her guts and she’s supposed to hate her too. 

Their little pretending game has become all too convincing and sometimes she wonders how she can possibly make this whole mission thing work when her partner doesn’t even trust her. 

“I should get going, Chaeyoung wanted me to pick her up.” Jeongyeon excuses herself, leaving in such a rush that she forgets to even bid her goodbye. 

She’s left alone in the room again and Jihyo is scared to think that this is exactly what will happen in the end anyway. 

-

Jihyo spends five minutes debating whether to knock on either door number one or two because Jeongyeon only specified that her apartment was on the top floor in her text and she really doesn’t want to message her again. 

She can’t for the life of her remember which apartment it is and she almost wants to run back home, discard the invitation and make up an excuse about her being ill. 

“Jihyo? How long have you been out here?” Jeongyeon is standing with a foot out the door, peaking around the corner of the wall with an unsure smile. 

She’s dressed in an oversized grey hoodie and shorts that barely peek out from underneath the jumper. Jihyo thinks she looks too cute for her own good and if the situation was different, she probably would’ve reached out to coo at her and pinch her cheeks and Jeongyeon probably would’ve slapped her away with a fake gag.

“Uh not long. You didn’t say which apartment you were in so I was a little confused.” She can feel herself going red, her cheeks are burning and the nervous chuckle that erupts from her mouth doesn’t do much to ease the situation. 

“Oh you should have texted me! Here come in, everyone’s here already.” Jeongyeon opens the door wider for her, takes the coat off her shoulders and waits patiently as she places her shoes next to the other six pairs of trainers lodged in front of the shoe rack.

Jihyo thinks this feels too domestic for their own good. Nothing good can come of pretending to the point where she literally feels close to forgetting the tension between them. 

But then Jeongyeon allows a reassuring smile, as if she can see right through Jihyo and can read the pressure building in the back of her head. 

Jeongyeon’s hand is on the small of her back as she guides her further into the apartment. It lingers like it belongs there, touching Jihyo’s body. She can smell her perfume again now and she can’t help herself from thinking back to Nayeon’s party a few weeks back. 

Then 6 startled heads are turning in their direction. 

“Jihyo?” Nayeon’s voice is as clear as day and also as confused as ever. 

“Well this is a nice surprise.” Sana is smirking at the two of them like she knows something they don’t as she pulls Jihyo from Jeongyeon’s grasp to envelop her in her usual stream of affection. 

“I figured we have space for one more so…” Jeongyeon awkwardly scratches the back of her neck. Jihyo doesn’t miss the soft look Nayeon gives Jeongyeon before escaping into the kitchen for popcorn. 

Once she’s managed to release herself from Sana’s hugs and kisses, Jihyo takes the free space next to Momo and tries her best to ignore the mischievous chuckles and confused smiles. 

“You two have gotten closer since training started.” Momo notes beside her in a voice barely audible. 

“We’re just making the best of the situation.” 

“She seems to be doing a lot better recently actually.” Momo is looking at her too intently. Jihyo has to look away. 

Even if she feels a little bitter that Jeongyeon gets to be okay while she’s tearing herself up with endless thoughts every night, she’s glad Jeongyeon is doing better - supposes whatever treatment her superior has assigned her is working. 

“And me?” 

“You seem to be doing worse actually.” Mina has inserted herself into the conversation, concern scratching at her words. 

Jihyo tilts her head in question - thinks she’s been good at masking her stress. 

“We can tell you haven’t been sleeping whenever we see you.” Momo looks purely sad and Jihyo hates it. 

Her mouth is open in protest but Jeongyeon is entering the room with bright eyes and a giggle and she doesn’t have the heart to continue the conversation. 

Momo tucks a strand of hair behind Jihyo’s ear endearingly before taking the bowl of popcorn from Jeongyeon’s hands and Mina returns to her conversation with Dahyun, lying on the floor. 

Jihyo tries to ignore the fact that Jeongyeon chooses the space next to her; spends the entire movie with her legs strewn across Momo; and her heart in her throat everytime Jeongyeon’s arm grazes against her own. Jihyo wouldn’t say it’s uncomfortable; she’s more on edge. She simply cannot relax knowing Jeongyeon is willingly sitting so close to her in a setting outside the training centre.

There’s a point where Jihyo thinks she’s doing it on purpose; accidentally shifting a little too close to her. Jihyo supposes that her attempts at acting as unbothered as possible go unappreciated because Nayeon keeps sparing her glances - as if to ask if she’s ok with a raise of her eyebrows and Sana is sending Jeongyeon deadpan stares which she ultimately doesn’t notice. 

Eventually Jeongyeon must realise the complete lack of distance between them, their legs touching and Jeongyeon leaning slightly into her, because she stills for a while and then moves to her right in order to annoy Chaeyoung. 

Jihyo almost feels irritated but her muscles relax with the lack of Jeongyeon’s proximity and the relief that washes over her pretty much sums up the situation - Jihyo is quite literally at the end of her tether. 

It’s been a nice evening really. Spending time with them always eases her heavy heart and their silly jokes and laughing fits make her feel lighter than she did this morning. 

But soon they’re all asleep, Jihyo is alone with her thoughts again and she just wants to run away. Everything feels a little too familiar and it hurts her to know that this isn’t permanent. She misses the way things used to be; when they could do things like this on a whim and it was weird if someone was missing. 

But everything is different now - has been for years and she knows that just because her and Jeongyeon are mission partners, doesn’t mean things will go back to normal anytime soon. Even if they’re getting along, it’s solely for the good of the mission.

Jihyo watches the minutes tick by on her phone, watches as Sana and Nayeon end up cuddling each other and soon it’s 2AM and she thinks it’s probably best to deal with her mounting thoughts and inability to sleep, at home by herself. 

Her keys clink in her pocket as she stands up and her heart leaps out of her chest when a hand wraps around her wrist with force. 

“Where are you going?” It’s Jeongyeon and her voice is deep with sleep and she’s subconsciously pouting at her so really, Jihyo has no choice but to sit back down. 

“Oh god sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up. I figured it’s probably best for me to get home-”

“It’s late and everyone is sleeping over, why don’t you stay?” It claws at her, the desperation in Jeongyeon’s voice; like she’s begging her to stay. 

For a split second, Jihyo convinces herself that Jeongyeon actually wanted her to come in the first place. But then her mind runs to the number of times Nayeon had texted to check up on her, and then proceeded to text Jeongyeon when she wasn’t answering and how this invitation was _obviously_ out of pity.

Jihyo sighs, lies her head back onto the sofa and stares at the ceiling. “It will take me a while to get any shut eye, I’ll probably find it easier to sleep in my own bed instead of on a sofa where Momo is snoring in my ear.” 

It’s supposed to be a joke and Jihyo turns to her with a humorous smile but Jeongyeon isn’t laughing. She doesn’t even bother to indulge in a smile. 

“How long have you not been sleeping?” 

“It doesn’t matter-” 

“It does. How long?” Jeongyeon is firm, staring at her intently as if the answer is written in her tired eyes. This time it doesn’t sound like Nayeon’s recited words of concern are falling from the older girl’s mouth. This time, Jeongyeon’s eyes are glowing with worry, eyebrows knitted together in an upset frown and it haunts her just to look at the girl. 

“I’ve managed it well for a while but it’s gotten harder to sleep since I got back from my mission with Nayeon.” It’s gotten worse since you waltzed back into my life without an explanation, Jihyo thinks. 

Then Jeongyeon is biting her lip in contemplation, as if considering her next move and it spikes nerves in her stomach. 

“Here. Lie down.” Jeongyeon gently directs her closer, pushing her shoulders lower and the next thing Jihyo knows, she’s laying her head down on her lap. The older girl has a gentle hand cradling her neck and her touch feels like it’s burning her skin. 

Jeongyeon kicks Momo lightly, shoving her further away to make space to extend Jihyo’s legs further on the sofa. 

“Stop thinking so much Jihyo.” Jeongyeon sighs; tired and stressed. 

Jihyo reminds herself, places a massive neon warning sign in the back of her head, that Jeongyeon simply feels bad for her. No matter how much Jeongyeon feels absolutely frustrated with a person, Jihyo knows that her heart always wants to care for people.

Still, she closes her eyes, relishes in the soft strokes of Jeongyeon’s fingers against her waist and the way she combs a gentle hand through her hair. 

Jihyo hates that she can feel her heart knocking against her ribcage. She hates that she can’t explain it, because sure, it’s one thing to feel overwhelmed being held by the one person she hasn’t seen in three years, but Jihyo’s can’t make out what her racing heart is trying to tell her.

Her heart is pounding with memories of the past and it’s racking against her ribs too hard, she almost feels breathless. Every touch burns and every look they exchange has her breathless and Jihyo doesn’t understand what the hell is going on; cannot comprehend why she’s feeling this way and why Jeongyeon quite literally lives in her head and every single goddamn thought. 

It’s too much; the way Jeongyeon knows exactly how to calm her, where to press a touch just to unravel her anxiety and how to talk her down. Even after all these years, Jeongyeon can read her like Jihyo is her second language and the thought careens into her head like a trainwreck - that maybe she lives in Jeongyeon’s head too. 

They were always like this, delicate touches after a day of violent punches and kicks. Even if Jihyo knows that she’ll be left aching for days after this, she lets herself sink into Jeongyeon’s hold.

She turns her head so that her face is buried into the older girl’s hoodie and her exhausted-delirious mind encourages her fingers to traipse underneath the fabric, stroking at her waist, her stomach and her hips. 

Jeongyeon’s uncertainty seeps through her body language, but Jihyo moves slowly, allowing her to push away if she really wants to.

She thinks she feels ink where it’s not supposed to be. She thinks she feels patterns and lines so foreign she’s struck with wonder. Her mind races with typical diligence faction tattoos and she tries to match what she feels on Jeongyeon’s waist to her knowledge of diligence markings, but her mind comes up blank. 

She has half a mind to pull the older girl’s hoodie up slightly, just to admire her tattoo but Jeongyeon is delicately taking her fingers in her hand, pushing Jihyo’s hand further up her stomach, away from where her tattoo should be. 

Her touch lingers, settles on her upper stomach and stays there.

Jihyo can’t remember the last time she’s touched Jeongyeon like this. Even in training, when their hands are clawing at each other, pushing one another down onto the mat, there is always the barrier of their training uniform. 

She feels Jeongyeon miss a breath or two as her cold fingers draw circles onto her skin. 

It grounds her, feeling Jeongyeon’s burning warmth against her fingers and soon, her eyes are hooded and heavy. She’s here. Jeongyeon is really here and Jihyo doesn’t have to pray and beg the universe for the girl to make an appearance in her life again.

Her fingers trace the raised scars decorating her skin and the anxiety that plagues her - the fear that she lost Jeongyeon forever - trickles away. 

Jeongyeon might be able to up and leave her whenever, but it never takes Jihyo much to stay. 

“Do you think about me like I think about you?” Jihyo feels half delirious with sleep and in the back of her head she knows that she should shut up. 

Her words are muffled against the fabric of Jeongyeon’s hoodie and her question is met with silence. Jeongyeon is everywhere, all at once; her perfume, her wandering hands, touches of the past. 

“How do you think about me?” Jeongyeon isn’t whispering anymore. It’s more of a quiet murmur and she hopes it doesn’t wake the rest of the girls up. 

Jihyo can feel the pain lodge in her throat, and knows that it’ll sound like she’s on the edge of tears when she speaks. “You’re everywhere all the time.” 

She can almost feel Jeongyeon thinking, even if her face is buried in her hoodie still. 

Her words are met with silence again. That is, until Momo kicks in her sleep and Jeongyeon chuckles. It’s infectious and soon they’re both giggling. It’s the kind where you know you can’t laugh and it only makes the need to giggle stronger. 

Jihyo thinks that even if it threatens to wake everyone else up, Jeongyeon’s laugh is the most gorgeous thing she’s heard. It reminds her of a simpler time and her heart feels at ease for the first time in months.

She feels like they’re a bunch of school girls again - getting into trouble in the middle of class and exchanging silly smiles whenever Sana or Momo tripped each other up at the front of the classroom. 

And then Jihyo thinks she finally recognises the ache in her heart, recognises the pain that teases her whenever Jeongyeon is near; an unbearable kind of heartache. Jihyo whimpers slightly. 

But Jeongyeon is running her fingers through her hair again, massaging her scalp and scratching at her neck. She’s running all the thoughts and anxieties away and Jihyo doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

They ultimately won’t talk about this in the morning. They won’t acknowledge this the next time they’re training either. 

They’re good at this: pretending that these moments between them mean nothing and falling back into their little ‘acquaintances’ act. 

With each time they share a smile or laugh politely to deal with the distance between them, Jihyo can feel Jeongyeon’s impatience with her. But then there are moments like this, where Jeongyeon has a hand protectively on her thigh to prevent Jihyo from rolling off the sofa in her sleep and fingers lost in her hair. 

Jeongyeon is breaking her heart all over again and stringing it back together with ghostly touches. It’s temporary, but Jihyo lets Jeongyeon lull her to sleep.

It takes Jihyo 18 minutes to fall asleep, and 18 years to learn that Jeongyeon is one hell of a heartbreaker.

-

When she wakes up, her thoughts feel muffled with tiredness. 

“Oh you’re awake.” Her head is still in Jeongyeon’s lap but as she turns her gaze around the room, she discovers that she’s the last one awake. 

Jihyo sits up with a jolt. “You got a good few hours of sleep.” Jeongyeon is smiling unsurely at her and the events of last night settle heavily behind her eyes. 

“Yeah you look good. Maybe you should sleep over at Jeongyeon’s place more often.” Nayeon sits heavily on the sofa next to her with a smirk and slice of toast in hand. 

Jihyo blushes. “I should go.” 

“Wait. At least have something to eat. Sana’s making some breakfast if you want-” 

“No it’s okay. I have a few things I need to do today.” Jihyo interrupts Nayeon. She just needs to get away for a second; she needs to breathe.

Nayeon’s is reaching out for her hand but she’s standing up too quickly and when she looks in the direction of the kitchen to see everyone else peering into the living room, Jihyo wants to run.

Jeongyeon nods hesitantly and leads her out into the hallway where she places her shoes and jacket on. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t say anything, just watches her intently as she hesitates at the door. 

“Thanks for having me over.” 

“Text me when you’re home?” 

Jihyo nods and is in too much of a rush out the door to say goodbye. She figures this is a part of their routine too. Forgetting to say goodbye. 

-

Jihyo thinks she’s right about a lot of things. And she was right about them not acknowledging Jeongyeon lulling her to sleep the other night. 

Jeongyeon’s sleeve is grazing against her arm and it takes everything within her not to pull away completely. 

“Nervous?” Jeongyeon turns to look at her. 

“Why would I be nervous? We’ve done this a thousand times before.” Jihyo tries to sound as nonchalant as possible, as if the thought of being examined by the agency’s most superior officers isn’t solidifying a spike of anxiety in her chest. 

Jeongyeon smirks and Jihyo knows it’s because she can expertely read the anxious look in her eyes and incessant fiddling of her fingers. 

“Just because we’ve done this for years doesn’t mean you don’t have to be nervous.” Jeongyeon sounds reassuring. 

Jihyo relaxes; remembers who she is. And then, on cue, they walk into the assessment arena. 

The double doors open and with Jeongyeon beside her, hand grazing against her own, Jihyo can’t help but think back to their first mission together and the way they hadn’t let go of each other’s hands. 

Now they’re both 23, grown and living the life they trained for. And there’s a distance between them that spans universes. 

In reality, the assessment arena is simply a larger than usual gymnasium with hundreds of seats taping around the edge and a glass lined observation deck above. Jihyo can already spot the countless trainers, officers and retired agents making conversation in the soundproofed room ahead of them. 

Then she spots a few faction leaders and she realises that maybe this mission holds a lot more weight than their mission coordinator had let on. And then she spots her father.

They’re standing metres away from them, but Jihyo can still make out the frown on his face as he watches Jeongyeon standing beside her. She can make out the horrid smirk of his mouth as he notices the distance between them and the tired look on the older girl’s face. 

Things are a lot different now. Jihyo prays he won’t mention how much they’ve changed. 

“Your dad looks happy to see me.” Jeongyeon, ever sarcastic, turns to offer her a look of amusement as she says this. Jihyo thinks that Jeongyeon hasn’t changed here either; she’s still the first one to offer up an unwarranted joke just to see everyone roll their eyes and smile uncontrollably. 

“He looks ecstatic right?” They fall into routine. 

Jeongyeon nods and soon they’re both standing in the middle of the assessment arena, appropriate gear on. 

A man’s voice echoes through the microphone and Jihyo recognises it as their mission coordinator. 

“You two have progressed well in training according to these reports. We expect nothing less from you. You know how these pre-mission assessments work and why they’re necessary so I don’t think I need to do much talking.” 

They nod as the room embraces his stilted voice and they officially move into the next phase of mission preparation. 

Jihyo is the first to take the assessment; completes it with 10 minutes to spare and a single graze on her chin. She’s good at this and everyone in the room knows it. She allows herself to send Jeongyeon a single smirk and hopes she’ll return the same victorious smile. 

Instead, when she returns to where Jeongyeon is sitting, she’s looking at her with a glint in her eye that she can’t quite figure out. Jihyo thinks it’s a look of pride, like she wants to tell her how well she did. 

But the smile is snatched from her face the moment she reaches her. 

“Jeongyeon, you’re up.” Jihyo knows it’s her father’s voice through the microphone; watches from the corner of her eye as Jeongyeon tenses and then rolls her neck. 

“Good luck” Jihyo whispers and offers her a soft smile. 

And then she’s stalking off to the other end of the gymnasium with purpose and Jihyo is left to sit down in one of the many empty chairs around the arena. 

“Before we start - Jeongyeon, as you know you will be marked on your performance and skill, decision making, resilience and emotional control. You require a 90 percent grading to successfully complete pre-mission training. Give us a nod if you understand.” 

Jeongyeon nods.

Then the clock is ticking and an alarm blasts through the room signifying the beginning of the assessment. 

Jihyo watches as Jeongyeon picks up a bow and arrow from the weaponry wall, manoeuvres it around her field of vision and fires at the attacking holographic figures. 

It’s mesmerizing; watching Jeongyeon do what she’s ultimately so good at. It’s almost peaceful, observing the 18 years of experience seep through her skin and attach itself to her fingertips as she pulls the bow and arrow into an aim at each incoming attacker. 

And it’s crazy realising how much more precise and professional she’s gotten.

Each figure falls, disintegrates into a puddle of pixels on the floor like clockwork and soon Jeongyeon has run out of arrows. Jihyo watches as she moves back to collect a gun off the wall, and is then pulled back onto the floor by one of the holograms. 

She scrambles, her knees hitting the ground with dull thuds and she knows Jeongyeon will be bruised tomorrow. 

Jihyo always wondered how they manage to make the holograms so lifelike as to literally be able to physically strangle Jeongyeon breathless. But she supposes it’s necessary to train their agents this way and thinks that maybe it works, when Jeongyeon is pulling a knife from her waistband and pushing it into the hologram’s chest with precision. 

The orange pixels wash over her and Jeongyeon rushes to the gun she was trying to grasp a mere minute ago. 

Then she’s firing expert shots at the countless figures rushing towards her. Jihyo finds herself digging her nails into her thighs to calm her nerves. The sight of Jeongyeon bleeding from her lip, red hand marks printed on her neck, sets something off in Jihyo that makes her want to run into the arena guns blazing. 

Still, she sits peaking a glance through her fingers and foot tapping anxiously against the floor. 

Jeongyeon pulls the ammo cartridge from the gun and reloads so many times that Jihyo has lost count and soon the timer on the gymnasium wall is claiming that Jeongyeon is 30 minutes into her assessment with no ceasefire in sight. 

Jeongyeon is eventually out of ammo and has to resort to using the knife lodged in her waistband because she’s too far from the weaponry wall to make a dash for it. 

A painful groan erupts from her throat as a holographic figure throws a punch into her stomach and Jihyo winces. The knife falls out of her hand and slides across the floor, into the attacker’s reach. 

Jihyo sees the metal reflection of the sharp dagger as it’s pushed against Jeongyeon’s neck and she impulsively stands up from her seat as she watches the commotion. 

Blood trickles down her neck and suddenly Jihyo hates that this is how the world works. She thinks about how the possibility of losing Jeongyeon, really losing her, would destroy her more than any mission ever possibly could. 

“Tell me Jeongyeon, just how loyal could a person like you ever really be to the faction.” The holographic figure’s words are amplified throughout the gymnasium and they careen into Jihyo’s field of hearing like a car crash. 

This is the test of emotional control and Jihyo is almost terrified to watch as Jeongyeon’s eyes darken. 

Jihyo thinks she sees it in the way Jeongyeon suddenly looks fit to kill - regret that she never ran away. 

And then Jeongyeon is reaching for the knife with her bare hand, forcing it away from her neck and her hand is covered in blood and the floor is painted red. 

“It’s the one thing I hate… That I was given an unshakable loyal heart.” Jeongyeon’s voice quivers and coils in resilience, pain seeping through her words. And even though there’s a knife edging through her hand, Jeongyeon is suddenly looking at Jihyo. 

Jihyo thinks she feels the words edge through her heart too. 

A wince penetrates the air as Jeongyeon forces the metal away and the knife is gliding across the floor again. Her hand lies beside her lifeless as she tries to ebb the pain away. 

The faceless hologram remains on top of the girl, hands pressed against her neck. Jihyo reminds herself that it’s a test. It’s a test and Jeongyeon is capable of handling herself. 

“Park Jihyo. Where is she?” The robotic voice rings in Jihyo’s ears and she knows that Jeongyeon will have a hard time dealing with the mock interrogation phase of the assessment in such pain. 

Jeongyeon remains silent, teeth biting her bottom lip to quieten her painful cries. Blood is still oozing out of her hand.

“Where is she?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Her faction number. What is it?”

“I don’t know.” 

The hologram’s hold around her neck tightens, and Jihyo can see Jeongyeon gasping for air. 

“I know who you are Yoo Jeongyeon. Faction number 180813. Joined the agency aged 5. Daughter of renowned retired agents. And an unloyal threat to the faction. Now tell me where she is. What is Park Jihyo’s faction number?!” 

Jeongyeon is quiet except for her gasps for air. She’s close to passing out. 

The pixelated attacker speaks again. “Why are you so reluctant to give her up? Do you not remember the way she betrayed you? Do you not remember how she exposed the fact that you belong to two factions and left you to deal with the consequences?” 

It’s voice is robotic, without emotion, yet suddenly the room is pouring with feeling. 

Then there’s silence. Jeongyeon doesn’t bother taking another gasp for air and Jihyo feels like the air has been knocked out of her own lungs too. 

Jihyo thinks she’s misheard. Of course she has. Right? There’s no way Jeongyeon could be one of those outcasts and still be living a successful life in the diligence faction. People who are found to belong to more than one faction are thrown away, a nuisance to society. 

Then her mind is rushing with the reality of Jeongyeon disappearing for a year. Her head is swarming with thoughts of Jeongyeon suddenly leaving for the loyalty institute without a word to any of her friends. 

And the realisation that Jeongyeon could not be discarded like the rest of them, settles on her chest with force; because Jeongyeon has always been too valuable to the agency. Jihyo wonders how her mind didn’t acknowledge this as a possibility when trying to figure out why she was sent to the loyalty reformation programme. 

Jihyo doesn’t understand; cannot wrap her mind around the situation. 

She knows that this is a part of the assessment - to make Jeongyeon overcome with anger, resentment and hurt and see whether it will compromise their mission, and Jihyo’s safety. 

But Jihyo is speaking up before she can think “What?”

The confusion wraps around her words. She cannot comprehend what hand she has had in Jeongyeon’s fate. Jihyo has always thought that she deserved a better goodbye and now she doesn’t know whether she really did. 

Her voice is lost in the noise of Jeongyeon struggling against the attacker’s hold. 

If this was a real scenario and Jeongyeon was really being held under captive interrogation, Jihyo thinks that maybe she wouldn’t deserve to be protected. She half expects Jeongyeon to give in; reveal her faction number and ‘whereabouts’. 

But there’s a sudden calm about Jeongyeon that terrifies her. Then she’s speaking. 

“Her faction number is 180720.” It’s a lie. Jeongyeon knows everyone’s faction numbers off by heart and that’s not it. 

The hold around her neck tightens again. 

“She’s stationed on a mission in the humility faction.” Another lie. 

Jihyo knows what Jeongyeon is doing - making the aggressor think that she’s giving in because she’s on her last breath. She prays that the hologram’s algorithm falls for it. Jihyo looks on in wonder at Jeongyeon’s skill. 

It works. The hologram believes the lies and lets go of the hold around her neck, orange pixels disintegrating in front of her. 

Jihyo glances at the clock. 40 minutes. The alarm sounds signifying the end of the assessment and Jeongyeon remains on the floor. 

The blood on the floor pools around her hand.

She rushes across the gymnasium, doesn’t think about the information that was just dropped on them like a bucket of ice a minute ago, and kneels at Jeongyeon’s side. 

“Shit. We need to stop this from bleeding.” Jihyo is scared to pick up her hand, torn open from the knife. 

Jeongyeon stares at the ceiling without a word. 

“You dealt with that scenario well Jeongyeon, we’ll make sure to get you some medical attention now.” An authoritative voice pierces through the microphone. 

Jihyo squeezes Jeongyeon’s shoulder gently to reassure her and her hoarse breathing quietens a little. She watches as her eyes well up with tears and then a nurse pulls Jeongyeon off the floor swiftly. 

Jihyo halts in her position but then she’s watching as Jeongyeon whimpers in pain a little when the nurse takes her bloody hand. 

It’s so cruel. They were placed in the agency so young that all they know is a world of pain and violence. And it’s so insanely cruel. 

She thinks back to the time she had broken an arm in training when she was 12 and Jeongyeon had vowed to teach the girl who tackled her a lesson. She thinks about how Jeongyeon had climbed onto the hospital bed beside her that night, wrapped her arms around her and promised to protect her for as long as they live. 

All Jeongyeon ever did was defend her, protect her, fend off the world for her. And suddenly Jihyo is scared that she couldn’t do the same. Maybe she has never been able to. 

And now Jeongyeon looks so fragile, like a simple touch could break her and after all these years, maybe that’s true. 

Jihyo rushes away from her spot in the middle of the gymnasium, bloody residue trailing behind her as it sticks to her shoe. 

She can see her superiors watching her from the corner of her eye, but she pushes forward and takes Jeongyeon’s other arm, helping her down the corridor with the nurse. 

Jeongyeon flinches a little at her touch but Jihyo ignores it and helps her as she stumbles at the doorway of the infirmary. 

“It’s been a while since someone has gotten this injured in a pre-mission assessment.” The nurse tiredly speaks to herself. 

Jeongyeon slumps into the plastic chair in the corner of the room and Jihyo can already tell that she’s feeling lightheaded. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me okay?” Jihyo speaks gently, afraid she might break her if she speaks a single decibel too loud. Her eyes are hooded with exhaustion, limbs weak.

She kneels in front of the girl, and Jeongyeon doesn’t flinch away this time when Jihyo rubs a hand up and down her thigh in a comforting manner. Instead, when Jihyo glances up, Jeongyeon is already looking at her. 

Jihyo doesn’t know what to say. So they stay like that for a while, quiet and stealing long glances at each other. 

The nurse takes a seat beside her, numbing her hand and cleaning the wound. It’s silent except for the hum of the air conditioning and occasional winces of pain. But Jeongyeon seems to relax at her touch, and it relaxes Jihyo’s heart too in a desperate kind of way. 

Eventually it’s just the two of them in the room as the nurse retrieves the right medical documents for her to be discharged. 

“You were brave out there.” 

Jeongyeon snorts with amusement. “They’re holograms. They’re not programmed to kill me so you can only say that when you see me fend off an actual living person.” 

Jihyo’s touch traipses up her thigh still, grazing over the scars and bruises. “I don’t need to see you fight in a real scenario to know you’re brave.” 

Then Jeongyeon is looking at her weirdly; like she’s trying to solve a puzzle and Jihyo is worried that she’s said the wrong thing. 

“We’re trained to be brave. It’s kinda in the job description.” A lopsided smile is painting her face. 

“Well I think you’re the bravest person I know.” And now Jihyo knows she’s said the wrong thing. Because Jeongyeon’s face is blank and she’s directing a careful gaze down at Jihyo’s hand on her thigh. 

“You don’t know me.” It finally happens. Jihyo thinks this is finally it, the moment where their little facade comes crumbling down. 

She wishes Jeongyeon would just explain everything to her. Tell her what she did wrong to deserve her silence. It’s driving her crazy and she hates the person it’s made her. 

But it’s easier - being angry at Jeongyeon instead of letting her know she’s hurting. Because she knows that this time Jeongyeon won’t comfort her for it. 

“I think I know you better than anyone else.” A strange kind of fear flashes across Jeongyeon’s face as the words slowly leave Jihyo’s mouth. 

It looks so unfamiliar on her. Because she was always the first to come to Jihyo’s defence when they were trainees, her protector. And now Jihyo hates to think that she’s the one Jeongyeon is afraid of. 

“Maybe it’s always been that way. But I don’t know who the hell you are at all. I don’t think I’ve ever really known you.” And the words work their way inside Jihyo, rooting into her heart; shredding her insides to pieces. 

“Wha-”

“How could you bring yourself to do it? Hm? Throw someone you’ve known all your life under the bus just like that?”

They’re so close, Jihyo can almost feel Jeongyeon’s heart beating in her chest. 

“You don’t understand I-” 

Jeongyeon falters a little. “You need to learn to think for yourself. Maybe try putting someone you love before your loyalty to the faction for once.” 

Jihyo’s mind races with possible betrayals and the past weighs on her shoulders like a ton of bricks.

“I _can_ think for myself.” 

“Well that’s even worse then, Jihyo. You can think for yourself and yet you’d rather put the faction before people you care about. I suppose everyone you trust disappoints you eventually.” 

Jihyo’s heart drops. 

She hates that Jeongyeon’s words have so much power over her; hates that Jeongyeon has the power to shatter her heart to dust. She hates that the last three years of her life have been so miserable without her and she hates that her life will never be the same without Jeongyeon in it. 

Maybe she’s being selfish. But her heart is throbbing, aching so tremendously and Jihyo just wants Jeongyeon to feel at least a portion of the pain she’s made her feel. 

Anger swims in Jihyo’s blood, and spills over into her words. 

“My life would have been so much easier if we didn’t know each other.” It’s bitter and it bites at her throat as the words leave her lips. 

It’s a lie. Jihyo doesn’t know what she would have done without Jeongyeon. 

All they’ve been doing is lying to each other. 

Jihyo expects Jeongyeon’s face to fall. She expects Jeongyeon to hurt at her words. Instead a horrid laugh erupts in the girl’s chest. 

“God you have no idea. I’m glad there’s at least one thing we agree on.” 

Jihyo wonders how they got here and then they’re staring at each other, staring at the broken shells of people they’ve become. 

Then Jeongyeon is swatting Jihyo’s hand away, moving to get up and ultimately failing to stand; too weak. 

“Planning to leave were you? Yeah you’ve made a really good habit out of that.” Jihyo sneers as she makes sure Jeongyeon is sitting back down. 

“It was easy to leave once I knew you didn’t care about me at all.” She sounds frustrated. 

“Why do you keep saying that? I don’t understand. I’ve never stopped caring for you.” They’re voices are rising exponentially louder and Jihyo is scared to think anyone could hear their conversation from the top of the corridor. 

“Stop acting like you don’t understand Jihyo. You know exactly what you did. You should be grateful I haven’t mentioned a word of what happened to the rest of the girls.” 

“But I _don't_ get it?! What the fuck are you talking about?” 

Jihyo feels breathless and the words are tearing, scratching, clawing at her throat. 

Jeongyeon is looking at her like she’s absolutely insane. “Have you actually lost all recollection of the last few years or something? Now you’re just blatantly lying to my face. Do you want me to spell it out for you?”

“Yes Jeongyeon. That’s all I want. Please spell it out for me.” Jihyo is exasperated; almost feels like collapsing with emotional stress. 

Jeongyeon’s shaky fingers are tugging at her shirt, pulling it up to reveal her tattooed skin and Jihyo is struck with the gravity of the situation. 

There’s a diligence faction marking, and it's dark patterns are similar to Jihyo’s. Maybe this is the only thing that tethers the two of them together now, a similar tattoo; evidence of their hurt. 

But there’s another tattoo and Jihyo thinks back to the other night where Jeongyeon had ran fingers through her hair and allowed her to trace a touch across her marked skin. Now she understands why Jeongyeon had tugged her hand away.. 

She doesn’t recognise the pattern. This second tattoo doesn’t belong to the diligence faction and Jihyo realises that this is illegal. This directly contradicts faction rules and anyone with more than one faction tattoo is always imprisoned or exiled but Jeongyeon is sitting in front of her with glistening eyes, alive and well - even if her hand has a painful stitch sewn into it. 

Jeongyeon looks like she’s fit to cry. “Why do you look so surprised? You knew about this.” 

“I- What?!”

“You were the one who ratted me out! Your father told me so.” 

“And you believe him?!”

“Well he was right. We were on that mission together, you were the only one that could have possibly known!” 

“I cannot believe you right now.” Jihyo’s heart breaks and a sob slips from her mouth.

“He’s one of the faction's most influential leaders. Why wouldn’t I believe him. I’ve known him as long as I’ve known you too, why would he lie to me about this? The fact that you left me in that mission at the end only seemed to prove his point.” 

And there it is: the thing that’s been haunting Jihyo for years. “We were 19 Jeongyeon, it was our first mission. All I did was listen to orders. They told me to retreat. I didn’t know you were still in there-” 

“It’s just crazy to me how even after all that, you _still_ haven’t learnt to think for yourself.” 

Jihyo’s hands are stressfully running through her hair and she has her eyes screwed shut as memories crash into her vision. “Jeongyeon, I swear I didn’t- Can we please just calm down for a second because I’m still struggling to understand and-” 

“You’re right. It really would’ve been so much easier if we just didn’t know each other.” They’ve gotten good at lying to each other, but Jihyo can tell in the way Jeongyeon is looking at her, that she’s being nothing but truthful. 

Jihyo is good at adapting - can get used to things quickly. Jihyo is used to losing sleep. Jihyo is used to her friends avoiding all mentions of Jeongyeon around her. Jihyo is used to seeing Jeongyeon everyday at training now. 

But Jihyo knows that seeing so much distrust in Jeongyeon’s eyes will never be one of those things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little longer than usual and i feel like a bit of it was waffle so idrk how to feel about it but i hope you enjoyed :D
> 
> can you tell the whole pre-mission assessment scene was inspired by the hunger games? i ended up rewatching the whole thing the other day so ! anyway the end is kind of the beginning of the fallout so everything will become clearer in the next chapter !!!
> 
> @fatedforce on twitter

**Author's Note:**

> Um... This is my first fic so hopefully you guys like it.  
> Its kinda inspired by the divergent series even tho i haven't read the books or finished watching the movies but i like the whole dystopian thing so here we are :D
> 
> I have a load of free time now that i've completed my uni exams so I thought why not. I'll update this as often as I can.  
> Feel free to leave comments on what you think will happen next or any criticisms you have. Thanks for reading!  
> 


End file.
